Month: September 2011

Let’s Rate Ashton Kutcher’s Mistress

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Sorry Demi but in with the new and out with the old. Good for you Ashton. The whole time I was hearing this story break thinking to myself ‘this chick better be smoking hot to replace Demi Moore’ and sure enough dirty.com releases these photos. This chick mixed with a little bit of alcohol and Demi who? I am 100% aboard the Sara Leal train and we are full speed, next stop divorce court. Yes, shes 25 years younger than Demi minus a lot of plastic surgery but look at what she also brings to the table. A smokin’ hot face with a slammin’ body. The only thing is that she looks a little on the crazy side in some of her other photos. I feel like this is Tiger Woods all over again and if you think this is the last chick to come forward saying they hooked up with Ashton Kutcher while he was married you’re crazy! This is probably just the tip of the dick–i mean iceberg. Ashton, you get a pat on the back of approval as long as you don’t have an Arnold Schwarzenegger kind of chick come out saying you banged her.

How Dumb Are The Kardashian Sisters…?

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Kourtney Kardashian tweeted this picture of “God’s hands in a cloud.” Someone should really send her this link and tell her it’s actually a photoshopped picture of some dude ripping open his anus.

 

Wow! Yes, people like this really exist and they should not be allowed to procreate. The world would be such a better place without the Kardashian sisters. Epic fail!

Giants/Jets: Week 4 Outlook

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Coming off a stunning victory in Philly, the NY Giants demoralized the Eagles at home and showed the ‘Dream Team’ that money can’t buy wins. A lot of people, myself included, did not see that coming. Hopefully Big Blue’s momentum will carry over into Arizona where the Giants stunned the world in Super Bowl XLII. As long as the defense can do what they did in Philly, I don’t see how the Giants can’t win this game, even with the -1. The real challenge in this game will be to hold Larry Fitz in check which will probably be a huge task for an already slacking secondary. Antrel Rolle will be returning to his former home which will hopefully amp up his play. Also look for the emergence of Viktor Cruz to become even bigger. Even though Mario Manningham is back, Cruz showed that he can make the big plays in big moments last week. With Osi possibly making his debut this season, I’m all over the Giants -1 and taking the over at 44.5. Too much offense in this game.

 

227 New York Giants -1  -110
44½ O -110
U -110
228 Arizona Cardinals +1  -110
Week 4
In another upset special, the NY Jets were tossed around like a rape victim last week in Oakland. My projection for that game couldn’t have been farther off. I never saw Darren McFadden treating that Jets DEF like a pop warner team. Not only could they not stop the Raiders but the offense looked just as stagnant. With the talent the Jets have, you wonder where the problems lies. Is it Schotty? Is it Sanchez? Is it Rex? Whatever it is, it needs to change immediately this week against a dangerous Ravens team on Sunday night. After 3 weeks the Ravens have impressed with Ray Rice and will go up against a Jets defense that has had a LOT of trouble stopping the run. Derrick Mason and Rex Ryan will both face their former teams which hopefully means they will both go into the game with a chip on their shoulders. If the Jets line can hold then expect a close, low scoring affair in Baltimore. If not we could easily see the Jets at 2-2 and 0-2 on the road. We all saw what the Ravens offense can do to a team with a solid defense (i.e. Steelers). I still like the Jets with the +3 points and the under at 42.
235 New York Jets +3  +100 +160
42 O -110
U -110
236 Baltimore Ravens -3  -120 -190
NBCWeek 4

Man Admits to Fiancee He’s Fathered 70 Children

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Are you my daddy? So this dude is going to marry blondie here and this is the first time she’s hearing that his spunk has fathered around 70 kids? What else you got for us guy? So I’m sure his thinking was ‘as long as I’m gonna beat off, might as well make some money outta the whole deal.’ But here’s the part he probably never thought of. A) When he’s in a situation like right now and has to admit to a chick that he’s related to half of the tri-state area. B) When those little bastards grow up they’re going to come asking for college money and a relationship with their real father. It’s gotta be hard enough with 1 but you got 70 running around? You better hope that none of them grow up to be like you and they take the other route and become successful and/or athletes. Cause if not, brotha you got big problems coming your way…

7 LI Students Arrested For Elaborate SAT Cheating Scam

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It was an elaborate ruse that involved fake IDs, air travel and lots of money. If only such effort was applied to actually studying. Between 2009 and this year, six high schoolers allegedly paid a college student between $1,500 and $2,500 to fly back home to New York to take the SAT for them. All seven were arrested this week for being part of the cheating scandal. According to prosecutors, the six current and former students of Great Neck North High School in Long Island, N.Y., hired 19-year-old Sam Eshaghoff, who attends Emory University, to impersonate them and take the standardized test. Eshaghoff presented at each test site a fake driver’s license bearing his photo with the paying student’s name, authorities said. The students had signed up to take the test at schools other than their own so they wouldn’t be recognized. And they got what they paid for: high scores ranging between 2140 and 2220, out of the SAT’s perfect score of 2400, prosecutors said. But rumors went around about a cheating ring (it’s high school, after all), which drew the school faculty’s attention. They were able to identify the cheaters because their scores seemed mismatched to their regular academic grades, and Eshaghoff was caught as the test taker after a handwriting analysis, according to authorities. Eshaghoff has pleaded not guilty to charges of scheming to defraud, criminal impersonation and falsifying business records. The students whom he impersonated were charged with misdemeanors and released without bail. Investigators are looking into whether Eshaghoff also took the test for students from other schools.

 

So let me get this straight. You spend $2,500 to fly this kid home, create fake IDs, and have this kid impersonate you so he can score high on your SATs for you and you go around school telling everyone? Well then, you deserve whatever you get! Isn’t it a known fact that secrets, rumors, and shit like this go around school like California wildfires? And how you gonna score a 2220 on your SATs when you have a GPA of 1.2? Unless you’re wearing a helmet to school and you’re counting cards like Rain Man, I’m not sure how you thought this was going to fly. Let me also say that $2,500 to me in high school was equivalent to $100,000 so I think they need to look into the parents on this one as well. I never had that kind of money sitting around nor would I spend it on anything that had to do with college, but maybe that’s just me. In no way, shape, or form was this a thought out plan. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your souls.

 

New Lynx Ad Promotes Public BJs

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So this is an ad for Lynx? WTF is Lynx? Apparently it’s the British version of Axe Body Spray only their ads go a bit further. So you’re telling me that if I wear Lynx, chicks will publicly blow me without any questions asked? Sold and give me 10,000 shares of stock. Axe never promised me that. I don’t give a shit if it’s just an ad, I want what this guy’s got going for himself here and if Lynx says it could happen then why would they lie? Get me Lynx and get me it now!

Side note: What in fuck is going on with the clown in the background?

Bigger Meltdown: ’11 Red Sox or the ’04 Yankees?

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The word ‘unbelievable’ does absolutely no justice to what took place last night. Hollywood could not write a better script. Commentators and analysts alike were speechless and could not exactly describe what they had just witnessed but knew immediately that it was a special night in sports. The Boston Red Sox blow a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the 9th inning and the Tampa Rays overcome a 7-0 deficit in extra innings to beat the New York Yankees. It didn’t matter who you were a fan of (other than Sox fans) last night because the stars aligned and something we will probably never see again took place. A rain delay and extra innings caused both games to end almost simultaneously and both in dramatic fashion.

 

This was beyond the ‘bottom of the 9th, bases loaded, with 2 outs scenario.’ This was playoff spot on the line, a team in the midst of self destructing, and a city that wouldn’t give up. Tampa fans had their eyes glued to the out of town scoreboard with fingers crossed, hoping the Red Sox would somehow blow a lead with their closer, Jonathan Papelbon, on the mound. As I was switching back and forth between games, I watched as the Orioles tied the game on a hit and knew that the Tampa fans were going to go crazy. Sure enough the place erupted. Then, $142 million outfielder Carl Crawford couldn’t make a diving play and the Orioles won the game in dramatic fashion in the bottom of the 9th inning. I switched right back to the Tampa game waiting for the scoreboard to glow. Sure enough, the fans went so crazy that Evan Longoria had to step out of the batters box to take in what was going on. Tampa had a chance…

 

Literally 3 minutes later, Longoria made contact with a ball that looked like might only be a double off the wall but somehow landed on the opposite side of the yellow line. He said it himself, that was probably the only place in the park that the ball would’ve gone out. Instant chills. The way everything went down last night was something that is hard to explain unless you are a sports fan and were actually watching. I had no interest in any team playing but I understood the impact of it.

 

Now this brings up today’s question. Who had a bigger meltdown? The ‘heavily favored to win the World Series’ Boston Red Sox went 7-20 down the stretch and blew any chance they had at the playoffs. This is not even considering the dramatics of last night when they blew a 3-2 lead in the bottom of the 9th inning to the last place Orioles. We also cannot forget the ’04 Yankees who were up 3 games to none over the Red Sox to go to the World Series. A comeback of this magnitude had never been done before in baseball and also ended the 86 year curse in Boston. Who you got?