Day: November 11, 2011

TSG:

A Tennessee woman who said she wanted a relationship–and did not want to be just “a booty call”–allegedly stabbed a male suitor Tuesday night after he became irate when she put the brakes on his attempts to “touch her suggestively,” police report. Oh, did we mention that the two are first cousins? Erica Wilson, 21, and Jesse Brooks, 32, were arrested and charged with aggravated domestic assault following a brawl in Brooks’s home in Rogersville. Wilson told a sheriff’s deputy that she and Brooks had “gotten into an argument about the status” of their relationship. It was during the argument, Wilson reported, that Brooks “began to touch her suggestively and stated that ‘he wanted her.’” In response, Wilson told her cousin that she “wanted a relationship and did not want to be ‘A Booty Call,’” according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report. The latter comment allegedly infuriated Brooks, who began cursing at Wilson, and then allegedly knocked her to the kitchen floor with a flurry of punches. Fighting back, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed away at her cousin’s face, neck, arms, and back. An investigator noted that Wilson and Brooks, who smelled of booze, admitted to consuming significant amounts of Everclear grain alcohol. Since a “primary aggressor” could not be determined, both cousins were arrested. Wilson, a Taco Bell employee, bonded out of jail yesterday after posting $4000 bond. Her cousin remains locked up in the county jail in lieu of $4000 bond. Both are set to be arraigned in Sessions Court later this month.

Cue the banjos we’ve hit the trifecta Tennessee! Cousins banging each other, grain alcohol, and a fast food employee. Goddamn, you never disappoint us! Just look at that mugshot. Looks like when I tried to be a badass and start shaving in middle school and I had no idea what I was doing. When I was reading this I was like thank god, at least common sense has slapped this chick in the face and she wants her cousin to stop bangin’ her but then I realized it was because she wanted more than just a drunk booty call. Don’t we have laws against this? Isn’t this considered inhumane? Are there not enough people in Tennessee that everyone has to fuck their relatives? So many questions I don’t know where to begin. People from the south scare the shit out of me for reasons just like this. They are as wild card as they come and I’m confident that all of those horror movies you see about people getting a flat tire in the middle of nowhere and being tortured and killed are pretty accurate. Billy-Bob and Edward Scissorhands here are prime examples.