Day: November 17, 2011

LeBron Victimizes Yet Another Kid Under The Rim

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Pretty sure this sums up LBJ’s career. Jumper, brick. Jumper, brick. Fuck it, dunk on a 14-year-old. I love the kid at the 0:42 mark who goes ‘You gotta make that!’ Nothing worse than getting shit talked to by a kid who can’t even drive. Then that smug asshole walks back to his seat all cocky like he just dunked on Dirk. I understand the lockout is hurting NBA players everywhere but go play flag football against college kids like Kevin Durant or play over seas like some of the other players. Stop embarrassing yourself on Youtube by Sandusky-ing kids under the rim.

Side note: You know after that second miss LBJ was thinking ‘goddamn it, this is gonna be all over the internet in an hour.’

Drunk Guy Tries To Play With Curious George At Zoo [Graphic Video]

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AP:

Joao Leite Dos Santos thought it might be fun to play with the monkeys at the Sorocaba Zoo near Sao Paulo. Dos Santos, not expecting aggressive behavior from the animals, hopped a short fence in order to get closer, while many bystanders stood back laughing or videotaping the incident. According to the AP, he was drunk at the time he approached the spider monkeys. In the graphic video it’s apparent that the encounter didn’t end well for the mechanic. The monkeys quickly assessed him as a threat, and easily bit him on the arm and hand, causing severe bleeding. As MyFoxNY points out, he’s lucky the monkeys didn’t want to get into the water, or his fate could have been much worse. Park officials eventually removed the man from the pen and transported him to the hospital (he was eager to leave after the attack), but it’s unclear if any charges will be brought against him, or if the pain of injury was enough.

Why do people always think that just because certain animals look cute, they are harmless? And where are the goddamn moat crocodiles when you need them? They are wild animals and there is a reason they are in a closed pen with a frickin’ moat surrounding them. Just go ask the chick on Oprah who had her face eaten off by her pet ape.

Gotta love the cooperation by the monkeys here though. Check out how the bigger one acts as an anchor and holds the little guys tail while he flails at the drunk asshole who is trying to snuggle with them like a little kid going to bed. Serves you right. You try to play with the wild animals and you’re going to get your arm gnawed on and rescued by a bunch of guys in Osh Kosh jeans.

Couple Engage In Sex Act In Back Of Cop Car While Handcuffed

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HuffPost:

A couple arrested in a Texas fast-food restaurant on drug charges got amorous in the backseat of a cop car taking them to jail on Monday, according to the Montgomery County Police Reporter. Even with their hands cuffed behind their backs, Howard Windham’s pants were somehow unbuttoned and lowered enough for his partner in crime, Tina Marie Arie to perform oral sex. It’s a feat that would impress the lascivious side of Harry Houdini. A constable’s deputy in Porter, outside Houston, noticed that something was up when he looked in the rearview mirror and allegedly saw Arie’s head in Windham’s lap. Arie explained that she was tired, according to the Police Reporter, but the law officer said he saw what was going down and ordered them to break up the hanky-panky. They got into trouble in the first place, because a friend of theirs was passed out in a Whataburger franchise at 2 pm, The Houston Chronicle says. When the officer rustled through the intoxicated man’s pockets to find ID, he came across dozens of painkillers, according to the Police Reporter website. Shortly thereafter, Windham, 30, allegedly tried to drop a pill on the floor, but got caught doing it. Arie, 44, was allegedly holding drugs too, according to The Chronicle. She had prescription bottles of Hydrocodone and Soma. She told police that their knocked-out pal took drugs from her, according to KSAT. Windham was charged with possession of a controlled substance while Arie got booked for delivery of a controlled substance. Their unnamed accomplice was taken to the hospital.

There’s one for the the ol’ bucket list. Getting head in the back of a police car while handcuffed. CHECK.

I don’t see where the huge mystery is on how this guy’s pants were unbuttoned. Just because your hands are handcuffed behind your back doesn’t mean you can’t use them. She clearly unbuttoned his pants by turning her back to him and got to work. They probably could have even finished too if it weren’t 2PM in the afternoon and all of Texas could see into the back of the cop car including the cop who was driving. What’s worse than going to jail? It would have to be going to jail with blue balls, right? I’ll give an A for effort, B- for execution, and F for getting themselves in that position in the first place.