Day: November 22, 2011

Kids Bring The Christmas Spirit To Mommy Early

subwaycreatures

Youtube:

Mommy was not feeling well and had to stay in the bathroom longer than usual during which my two boys, ages 1 and 3 took my new bag of flour out of the cupboard and destroyed my house. This is from ONE 5lb bag. Don’t believe me? Hand a full bag to a 3 year old and see what happens.

 

What do you honestly expect Mom? You dress your kid like Oliver Twist and the Hamburglar and this is what you’ll get. Little Zack and his brother playing ‘flour bag explosion’. I love the little kid at the 1:49 mark. “See? See? See, ya dumb bitch? I dare you to leave me in a room by myself again!”

Transgender Gives Butt Implants With Fix-A-Flat And Other Random Items

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NYDailyNews:

A transgender woman in South Florida faces charges of practicing cosmetic surgery without a license, after police say she injected an unwitting patient’s buttocks with a handful of unsafe substances, including tire mender Fix-A-Flat, NBC reported. The botched butt implant sent the unidentified woman to the hospital, and landed Oneal Ron Morris, who is legally identified as a man, in cuffs. Miami Gardens Police arrested Morris, 30, on Friday, following an investigation by the Florida Department of Health. Sgt. William Bamford said the illegal procedure took place in May 2010, after the woman and Morris met to discuss details, according to ABC. “They agreed on the price of $700 for the procedure, which was intended for cosmetic purposes,” he said. The injection took place in a residential setting, where Morris shot a mix of cement, glue, mineral oil and tire sealant into the woman’s buttocks, ABC reported. “[A] short time later, she develops very serious pains, abdomen, throughout her body,” Bamford told the network affiliate. “She knows something’s wrong.” The woman rushed to Tampa General Hospital, where she was treated for infection and pneumonia, but would not divulge Morris’ name, according to the report. Hospital officials contacted the Dept. of Health, but it took investigators months to track down Morris. Police suspect there are other victims, and urge them to come forward.

Not for nothing but when you show up for your under-the-table surgery for butt implants and this walk of life shows up to do it, at what point do you say to yourself ‘hmmm, I really don’t want my ass to look like that thing’s. Maybe I shouldn’t go through with this.’ This woman really isn’t a good walking advertisement for herself so I’m gonna go ahead and presume that all of her clients are blind. I’m not too sure when black women all the sudden needed butt implants but I’m sure this idiots thought process was simple. ‘Fix-A-Flat is used to prevent tires from going flat, so it must also prevent asses from deflating.’ She was probably better off sticking an air pump up the woman’s ass and manually blowing it up. Just as effective.

Grandma Claims She Is Constantly Groped In Bed By A Ghost

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Daily Mail:

A grandmother claims she is being haunted by a poltergeist who continually gropes her as she tries to sleep. Doris Birch, of Herne Bay, began experiencing the nocturnal disturbances in her flat four months ago. The 73-year-old said: ‘It’s like an octopus. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. ‘I kicked frantically and it went away. ‘I’ve tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress. ‘I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference. ‘This is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It’s harassing me. ‘I need to call in the Ghostbusters.’ Mrs Birch, who lives alone, says she has consulted a vicar who believes the disturbances are being caused by a ‘lost spirit’, according to the Canterbury Times. The former nursing home assistant has had a promise from a local husband-and-wife ghost hunting team to send the poltergeist packing. Spirit medium Ray Herne says he will draw the ghost into him while his wife Beryl will capture it in a ‘vortex of light’ and send it to the ‘other side’.

 

I can totally relate to this woman. Growing up through puberty I had nocturnal disturbances every other night and let me tell you, it made for long nights and weird mornings, especially when you’re sharing a room with your two brothers. Mrs. Birch needs to lighten up and go with the flow. Be happy someone stills wants to feel you up at 73-years old. It’s like that scene from Ghostbusters when Ray catches a hummer from the ghost floating over his bed. I would only hope that would happen to me but I don’t think ghosts are coming to NYC anytime soon.

Side note: I watched Ghostbusters every week growing up and never knew what was really going on in that scene until high school. Explains a lot about my childhood.