Day: January 10, 2012

Polish Military Prosecutor Shoots Himself In Face; Survives

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Buzzfeed:

Col. Mikolaj Przybyl was defending the country’s team of military prosecutors against leaks that suggested it mishandled investigations to protect a deeply corrupt military. The government has been considering merging the civilian and military prosecutors as a result.

No real sense of urgency over in Poland huh? Does shit like this happen every day? Did you not see everyone calmly get up and meander over to the guy who just tried to blow his head off? That whole area of countries over there scares the shit out of me. They just seem cold and emotionless. How much must it suck when you can’t even kill yourself the right way? If this guy’s life didn’t suck in the first place, he will now be eating through a straw and breathing through a tube for the rest of his life.

Woman’s Bungee Cord Snaps Over Crocodile Infested Water

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Buzzfeed:

Erin Laung Worth’s bungee cord snapped during her 350-foot jump over the Zambezi River in Africa. The Aussie tourist somehow survived the fall as well as the “croc-infested waters.”

Everyone always asks me ‘why don’t you live a little and do something like skydiving or bungee jumping.’ Well first off I’m horrified of heights but also sometimes when you skydive, the chute doesn’t open and sometimes when you bungee jump, the cord breaks after a 350 foot fall and you smack into crocodile infested water. Now luckily this chick survived somehow but you’ll never see me doing this. If I wanted to thrill seek I would go out to a bar in Harlem, get wasted, and try to find my way home walking. I like my odds better there.

Side Note: This video kind of reminded me of Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom

So I Know What I’m Doing This Spring/Summer With My New Wedding Crasher App

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Who doesn’t like a good wedding? Open bar, single women, free food…and now I have an app for my phone that will literally guide me there step by step. I think the best part about this is that the app even turned it into a game which keeps track of points so you can compare your wedding crashing skills against others. Got a seat at a front table? Bam 50 points. Taking pics with other wedding guests? Bam 75 points. Bang the Maid of Honor? Bam 1,000 points. But who the fuck am I kidding? If there were ever someone to get caught crashing a wedding it would be me. When it comes down to lying on the spot I clam up like an oyster and stand out like a Jew in Palestine. Boom, thrown out the front door like Uncle Phil always did to Jazz in Fresh Prince.

Side Note: How fuckin’ pissed would you be if you had a wedding coming up? I would have someone guarding that front door like it’s the White House