Day: February 10, 2012

Someone Please Tell Me Ahmad Bradshaw And Angelina From Jersey Shore Hooking Up Is A Joke

subwaycreatures

TMZ: NY Giants star running back Ahmad Bradshaw has apparently developed an extra-special relationship with former “Jersey Shore” star Angelina Pivarnick … TMZ has learned … but the Staten Island Dump insists they’re NOT officially dating. Angelina was at Saddle Ranch in L.A. yesterday … when we asked point blank if they were together … and we were met with an uncomfortable silence … followed by, “I’m not dating him … like, no.” Pivarnick explained, “We’ve hung out together … we’re really close, he’s a cool dude.” “I think he’s a hot black … I’m not gonna deny that. I would be lying if I told you he wasn’t hot.” Angelina recently posted a photo of the two lookin’ all cozy at a NY club a few weeks ago — they look platonic to you?

 

Ahmad Bradshaw, you just won the Super Bowl…what are you going to do next??? Angelina Pivarnick! Dude, is this fucking real? Out of all people why the hell did it have to be her? You should be out crushing Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian like Mark Sanchez, not has-been reality whores who are completely irrelevant in today’s society! You need to totally redeem yourself by banging some super model ASAP! Make this go away now!

 

Student Arrested For Farting In Library And Calling It A ‘Bomb’

subwaycreatures

HuffPost:

Harold Wayne Hadley, Jr., 19, was arrested at a Mississippi junior college after he allegedly wrote a note on a piece of toilet paper on Tuesday, containing the word ‘bomb,’ according to Weirdnews.net. The note prompted 11 emergency agencies to respond to the school, but there was no bomb. Hadley and his family contend that he was only explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. “He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper … we are from the country, and he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s aunt, who wouldn’t give her name to WDAM. “[He] put ‘I passed a bomb in the library,’ talking about passing gas, and somebody came in and found it, gave it to a teacher that recognized his hand writing and it blew all out of proportion.” Investigators wouldn’t say exactly what Hadley wrote, but WDAM reports that it was no more explicit than “I passed a bomb in the library.” Hadley was arrested and held on $20,000 bail. If convicted of threatening to blow up the school, he faces 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine, according to WAPT. His aunt says he earned straight A’s at Jones County Junior College and was scheduled to graduate in May.

 

Hey Harry, don’t worry man. There’s nothing funnier than a good fart joke, just use better terminology next time. Ever since 9/11 people have been a little uptight about the word ‘bomb’. No joke, I’m playing with a fart machine at work as we speak. Here’s a couple for you to use next time: cut the cheese, ripped ass, butt burp, petarded, farted, ass acoustics, backdraft, tear ass. Oh yea, ‘sharted’ too but you have bigger problems if you’re using that one. I’ve heard of farts being called bombs before and if this was anything like those, it must have been pretty bad. If Harold Wayne Hadley gets 10 years for farting in the library and writing about it, I’ve lost all faith in our justice system. The only injustice here is that no one is laughing about this except for me.

Side note: He was explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. By far my favorite line of this story.