City Subway Creatures

So I was riding the C train this morning and a guy a few seats over was listening to music through his phone. He wasn’t wearing earphones and the entire car had to listen to his horrible song selections for 5 stops. It got me thinking, there are so many unspoken subway rules that people should always know! I came up with a few and I think this is a list we can keep adding onto to keep people aware of what’s acceptable or not…

1. Mind your own fuckin’ business! (Can’t tell you how many fights, arguments, disputes could be avoided if people kept their mouths shut and stuck to their iPods or Kindles)

2. Wear goddamn earphones when listening to music. (Hey DJ GoFuckYaself, no one on the train wants to hear your shitty music so let’s pull the chord on the party)

3. Three card swipe MAX at the turnstile. (And that’s being generous. Look, I know those shitty cards don’t work sometimes but there’s nothing worse than missing a train because the out of towner in front of you keeps swiping their card like a member of the Hilton family on a shopping spree. Three swipes and you’re out! Back of the line Rosa Parks)

4. Have your card ready. (Going off of rule 3, have your card out when you get to the turnstile. I see this happen too often. You know you’re going into the subway and you know you’re going to have to swipe your card so have it out! Don’t stand in the turnstile searching through your body bag of a purse looking for your subway card.)

5. Let people off before you get on the train. (The 4,5,6 in NYC is the worst with this. It’s almost turned into a game at this point. See who can be the first on the train when it pulls in. I hate trying to get off the train and having a wave of people charge at me like it’s the last train out of Manhattan because a Cloverfield alien is fuckin’ shit up. And they usually look at ME like I’m in the wrong!)

6. If you’re standing by a door that is opening, get out of the way! (This is not a game of ‘Red Rover’ and all you’re doing is making everyone’s commute that much more difficult. Either step off the train and get back on or move away from the doors before they open in the first place. People should not have to run the gauntlet getting off the train.) **Thanks to Kathryn on this one

7. Don’t sit in front of a subway map (unless you don’t mind people awkwardly close to you or staring at you. People all the time are trying to figure out where the hell they are and if you’re one of those people who hate when others are in your personal space, then don’t sit in that seat.)

Have an idea or unspoken rule you feel belongs on here? Add it in the comments below and let everyone know!