Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! Never understood how risking your life was worth it for a few bucks off a TV or cell phone. Hasn’t anyone heard of Cyber Monday? Don’t even have to get up off the couch let alone fight a mother of 2 for the new iPhone 5. Lately I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Doomsday Preppers’ and I’ve decided I’m going to build a bunker and put a plan together for every Black Friday. Just complete anarchy.
Long video, I get it, but millions of questions. Washington has super heroes? There’s a mutual combat law? Police just let you bang out in the street? And what’s up with the name Phoenix Jones? Sounds like a chick who sucks dick for a living on camera. Is this reality?
I’m not gonna lie, if a dude rolled up on me wearing a super hero costume, I’d probably give him a hard time too. But as soon as I started to fight and he’s moving like Muhammad Ali, I’m faking a pulled hammy. Yea, bowing out of a fight is embarrassing but getting knocked out by Bert the Bumble Bee is ten times worse.
Is carrying a samurai sword even street legal? I don’t know what the laws are for that but I can tell you right now that if this geek pulled a 2 1/2 foot sword on my ass I’m walking away too. You know this kid has been waiting for this day to go down his whole life. This was his wet dream come true and even though he came in his pants, he’s forever known as the Light Rail Katana Kid.
Yep, got a nightstick to the dome about 20 times. Clearly what he deserved but that’s not what bothered me. The dude’s chick who was way too over dramatic for the situation was what really pissed me off. Your man just cracked a police officer in the face in front of a huge crowd at Philly’s Oktoberfest, what did you think was going to happen? The only thing I was waiting for was the overhead zoom out shot of her looking into the sky screaming “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!????”
Let me be clear, never cool to hit a girl…in most cases. But when you have this hood rat barking in your ear and physically assaulting you, I consider that self defense. The bus driver put it best, she wanna be a man, I’ma treat you like a man! Were there better ways to handle this situation? Of course, but you’re in downtown Cleveland. Cops don’t give a shit.
You’ve hit a new low when you’re groping large women in the subway, get caught by other passengers, and receive an ovation when the police scoop you off the platform. This happens often in the subway and I’m not sure how people actually get away with it.
Side note: I was dying when the lady at the 2:12 mark checks to see if Rico’s greasy hair is real. Hater.
A 72-year-old Teaneck, New Jersey resident was taken into custody by police last night after he reportedly aimed a gun at a neighbor who farted outside his door. Daniel Collins and the unidentified victim, 47, live in the same apartment complex, and had apparently been feuding for “some time” over “noise complaints” prior to yesterday’s incident. According to Det. Lt. Andrew McGurr, Collins snapped and pulled out a handgun after “hearing [his neighbor] pass gas in front of his apartment door.” He denied brandishing a weapon, but upon searching his vehicle, police officers uncovered a .32-caliber Taurus revolver under the front passenger seat. Collins was subsequently charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats.
Looks like a simple fart was the straw that broke the camels back here. And don’t tell me ‘wow that musta been a huge fart for him to hear it.’ No, no, no. I live in an apartment as well and my walls are paper thin. I can hear my neighbors conversations through my wall like I’m in the room with them. Not the best of situations but you turn the TV up or play music and problem solved!
Sidenote: Thank Christ my neighbors don’t own a gun. I know this cause they would’ve shot me by now.
How to know when you’ve hit rock bottom. You’re stopping cars in the middle of the road and get slapped around by a guy wearing capris and Birkenstocks.