A couple arrested in a Texas fast-food restaurant on drug charges got amorous in the backseat of a cop car taking them to jail on Monday, according to the Montgomery County Police Reporter. Even with their hands cuffed behind their backs, Howard Windham’s pants were somehow unbuttoned and lowered enough for his partner in crime, Tina Marie Arie to perform oral sex. It’s a feat that would impress the lascivious side of Harry Houdini. A constable’s deputy in Porter, outside Houston, noticed that something was up when he looked in the rearview mirror and allegedly saw Arie’s head in Windham’s lap. Arie explained that she was tired, according to the Police Reporter, but the law officer said he saw what was going down and ordered them to break up the hanky-panky. They got into trouble in the first place, because a friend of theirs was passed out in a Whataburger franchise at 2 pm, The Houston Chronicle says. When the officer rustled through the intoxicated man’s pockets to find ID, he came across dozens of painkillers, according to the Police Reporter website. Shortly thereafter, Windham, 30, allegedly tried to drop a pill on the floor, but got caught doing it. Arie, 44, was allegedly holding drugs too, according to The Chronicle. She had prescription bottles of Hydrocodone and Soma. She told police that their knocked-out pal took drugs from her, according to KSAT. Windham was charged with possession of a controlled substance while Arie got booked for delivery of a controlled substance. Their unnamed accomplice was taken to the hospital.
There’s one for the the ol’ bucket list. Getting head in the back of a police car while handcuffed. CHECK.
I don’t see where the huge mystery is on how this guy’s pants were unbuttoned. Just because your hands are handcuffed behind your back doesn’t mean you can’t use them. She clearly unbuttoned his pants by turning her back to him and got to work. They probably could have even finished too if it weren’t 2PM in the afternoon and all of Texas could see into the back of the cop car including the cop who was driving. What’s worse than going to jail? It would have to be going to jail with blue balls, right? I’ll give an A for effort, B- for execution, and F for getting themselves in that position in the first place.