You are 35 years old and have the ability to know that you will die at age 60 in a terrible car accident (there’s nothing you can do to change this).
Would you rather…
Have the ability to erase the age/cause of death but lose the ability to know the fate of your future (could die earlier, could die later and cause of death could be better or worse)
OR
Just live your life to the fullest knowing at age 60 you will die in a terrible car accident?
DailyMail: A tiger killed its trainer during a circus performance in northern Mexico, it emerged today. Footage posted on YouTube purportedly shows the trainer, American Alexander Crispin circling two tigers during his act for Circo Suarez in Sonora state. One of the animals then lunges towards the 35-year-old and pulls him to the ground.
There are few things in this world that will never change. Porn will never go out of style, the Kansas City Royals will never win a World Series, and meat eating animals will always eat meat. This is imperative to remember when trying to teach a hungry Bengal tiger to jump through hoops for a crowd of young children. I’m not saying the guy deserve…well yea…that’s actually what I’m saying. You play with fire and you get burned, you play with tigers and you get your face eaten off. Life.
UPDATE: Here is a picture of the trainer. I was wondering what Janosz from Ghostbusters was doing with his career.
This Manti Te’o shit is so fucked up that I don’t even know where to begin! All I do know is guess who wins out of this whole thing? Yea, the other fuckin liar who has a special coming out tomorrow with Oprah. Great timing! I’m sure Oprah and her struggling OWN network is ready to kill someone right now. They’ve been jacking up this interview all week and along comes some football college punk to make Lance’s admission look like a white lie.
Everyone keeps asking me what the story is and to be honest it’s like the first time I watched Inception. I have no idea. I’m gonna need to read up on this about 10 more times until I even get an idea of what’s going on. All I know is something along the lines of a fake girlfriend on Twitter that Te’o talked to on the phone at night and for some reason told people he met her when he never did. Straight up Hollywood movie script writing itself in front of us right now. If you care to read about the story I posted the link below. Have fun and explain it to me in a week when you understand it!
Side note: How fitting is Manti Te’o for the New York Jets all the sudden with all this negative media attention and drama. I think the 9th pick just got locked up in this year’s draft.
HuffPost: A Washington woman is accused of using her breasts to smother and kill her boyfriend after an altercation at their mobile home. Donna Lange, a 51-year-old woman from Everett, Wash., is believed to have suffocated her boyfriend to death with her breasts on Saturday, Jan. 12, according to Seattle’s KIRO 7 Eyewitness News. Deputies, called to the Airport Inn trailer park at 12:45 a.m. for a disturbance report, found medics performing CPR on Lange’s 51-year-old alleged boyfriend, who was later pronounced dead at Swedish Hospital. Kiro 7 reports that witnesses claims they saw Lange throw her boyfriend down in the back of the mobile home. She was later found by witnesses with her chest covering the victim’s face. Police noted the size difference between Lange and her boyfriend — she was 5-feet, 6-inches and 192 pounds, he was 5-feet, 7-inches and 175 pounds.
There’s only a couple ways I would approve of leaving this world. 1) Die in my sleep 2) Heart attack from intense sex with some international supermodel. Maybe I’ll throw in death by wrestling a grizzly bear with my bare hands in the middle of a hurricane just because it sounds badass. But I’ll tell you what a total bullshit way of going out is. Falling between subway cars while taking a shit or getting smothered in my double wide by Honey Boo Boo’s mom’s floppy tits. What kind of man allows this kind of shame to happen to him? I know, a dead one, but I mean you’re telling me there was no possible way for this guy to get this bitch off him? I get she was of the portly kind, but still you’re 175 lbs and an inch taller. There’s gotta be more to this story still to come like the guy was motorboating and didn’t say the safe word “BUTTER” or something.
Gawker: This is a weird one. A man was killed Tuesday afternoon after he fell from a moving subway train onto the tracks. But how did he fall, you ask? He was shitting between cars, as one does, when he apparently slipped, plunging to one of the more shameful deaths imaginable. Tragic and terrifying, although perhaps less so – if only because of the pooping — than two other recent subway deaths. Making things somewhat confusing, there was apparently a separate incident at the same subway station just before the fatal accident. According to the NYPD, a bloody man with a broken pelvis and “severe buttocks injuries” was found on the opposite platform after he mysteriously emerged from the tracks. The man, who police identified as Manuce Dulcio, didn’t know how he got there or what had happened to him, although police noted he was very drunk. Police initially said the two men had been fighting, although that turned out to be false. Instead, it was just your standard death-by-pooping/mysterious-drunken-injury incident, which is all too common these days.
Shitting between subway cars, huh? Kind of ironic that this guy had too much pride to do what all the other hobos do and shit his pants IN the subway car, yet dies covered in shit with his pants around his ankles. Yea he put a lot on the line, like his life, but sometimes a man’s dignity outweighs all consequence. Dude was probably reading about Carmelo Anthony and Honey Nut Cheerio-gate in AM New York when the 6 train took a sudden turn for the worst. Speaking of nuts, the fact that this is the 4th insane death in the subway in less than 30 days makes me feel like I should start rollerblading to work. Yea right, rollerblades are gay!
Side note: FYI – I seriously own a pair of rollerblades
Gawker: A freelance photographer working for the New York Post on an unrelated assignment happened to be standing on the 49th Street station platform when 58-year-old Queens resident Ki Suk Han was suddenly pushed onto the tracks by an as-yet-unidentified assailant. The photographer, R. Umar Abbasi, snapped at least two photos of Han before he was run over by the downtown Q train. The married father-of-one sustained critical injuries and was later pronounced dead at Roosevelt Hospital. One of the haunting photos Abbasi took graces the front page of the Post this morning, incurring the ire of readers who want to know why no help was extended to the injured Han in lieu of capturing the moment for posterity. Abbasi claims that he was using his camera’s flash to warn the train’s conductor, possibly suggesting that the photos were incidental. The Post further defends Abbasi, saying he wasn’t strong enough to lift Han off the tracks.
Here is the fight moments before the accident:
Nothing like waking up and grabbing a paper to see Glenn from The Walking Dead about to get lit up by an incoming Q train. I have a feeling that Umar Abbasi was trying to alert the conductor as much as the 9/11 terrorists were trying to safely land those planes, but that’s just me. Gotta love New Yorkers though, right? Guy falls onto the tracks and everyone pulls out their iPhones to snap pictures like Asians in Times Square. Ki Suk Han may not have been saved but at least there will be enough pictures to create a flip book of the entire incident. And I don’t know what the pre-push argument was over, but no one deserves to be pushed onto the subway tracks…with a train coming…at 25 MPH…weighing a cajillion tons.
Women drivers. If their not chatting it up on the phone while trying to drive, their sleeping on their motorcycle while on the highway. This chick should’ve absolutely been a hood ornament on that semi so as I always say, go play the lottery cause you are one lucky bitch!
via HuffPost
Throat cancer may have been the medical reason Val died but in my mind he was just Bro-ing the only way he knew how. Stealing safes, playing Doogie Howser, and admitting it in your own obituary after you die is something I hope people can say about me. This dude was probably also buried in a tuxedo shirt with a flask of Johnny Walker and a pack of smokes in his hand. Val, I salute you!
Well done, well done!
Daily Mail: A two-year-old Brazilian boy, Kelvin Santos, stopped breathing during a treatment for pneumonia and was declared dead at 7:40pm on Friday. His body was handed over to his family in a plastic bag, and the devastated family took him home where they held a wake for him. Throughout the night the little boy’s body laid in an open coffin, but an hour before his funeral was supposed to take place on Saturday, the boy apparently sat up in his coffin and said: “Daddy, can I have some water?”. Unfortunately the “miracle” was short lived, because shortly after waking, the little boy laid back down, just the way he was. The family could not wake him, and he was dead again. The father rushed his son back to the Aberlardo Santos hospital in Belem, and doctors reexamined the boy, but unfortunately confirmed that he had no signs of life. The family decided to delay the funeral for an hour in the hope that he would wake up again, but ended up burying him at 5pm that day in a local cemetery.
You gotta be kidding me with this one! Miracle, shmiracle. How you suppose to bury this kid if he’s gonna snap out of it an hour later asking for milk and cookies? Hey Kelvin, make up your goddamn mind. You can’t just keep coming back from the dead asking for petty things!
