Let’s get one thing straight, Kate Upton is an extremely hot chick who, if standing in front of me, of course I would. But just like a girl who goes to college and packs on the freshman-15, she’s already on her way to being the next face for Jenny Craig. I’m not saying she’s fat…I’m saying she’s…well, thick. Thick as fuck. Now she’s still a model and still getting work but let’s just go down a brief timeline so I can show you what I mean.
2011 Kate receives Rookie of the Year honors in Sports Illustrated
My thinking: Wow! SI is really bringing it this year. This chick is 18?!
April 2011 Kate explodes onto scene when she ‘Dougies’ at the Clippers game. Couple weeks later the Cat Daddy is released too!
My thinking: Not only is this chick hot but she looks fun and actually has a personality too?? But why is she hanging out with child molesters?
February 2012 What can arguably be called the peak of her career, Kate lights up the internet with her cover shot on Sports Illustrated
My thinking: How in the hell is that swim suit staying on?
June 2012 Finally what everyone was waiting for. The epic GQ wet t-shirt photo shoot
My thinking: What just happened in my pants?
July 2012 Kate appears at a runway show only a month after the GQ shoot but appears more ‘voluptuous’ which is not good in runway standards.
My thinking: Uh oh. What’s going on?? Kate noooooo!
December 2012 Kate is seen at a photo shoot in the Antarctic for Oreo. Irony? Maybe.
My thinking: Damn Kate’s swim suit is on the losing end of a battle right now. And not in a good way!
January 2013 Kate shoots a Super Bowl commercial with her watching a group of guys wash a car while she wears a pair of mom jean shorts
My thinking: Is this an all-time low for Kate? She doesn’t even get to wash the car in a bikini PLUS she’s wearing the most amount of clothing I’ve ever seen her in? The fuck is going on?
In conclusion: Just sayin’…