Another day, another shot of Sponge Bob in a bikini. I swear to God the only reason I throw this shit up is because I know there’s a good number of you who love her. As I’ve always said, I’m not saying she’s not hot–I’m saying THIS
is not Sports Illustrated cover material. However, this part is still always fun to watch…
DailyNews: After the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover girl said she was single on Valentine’s Day and had broken up with star Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, she was spotted a little over a month later, on March 24, sucking face with Diddy at club LIV in Miami Beach. “They were kissing, they weren’t hiding it,” an eyewitness tells Confidenti@l.
Saw this one coming. Hot white girl puts on weight, goes on the cover of Sports Illustrated, and a powerful black dude pounces like a starving lion. She didn’t even stand a chance–what Diddy wants, Diddy gets. Just fun to watch everyone try and get it in before Kate fades in the limelight and OD’s on meds in a hotel bathroom.
Gawker: Lewd Act Gets Man Banned From Every Library On Face Of Earth
Buzzfeed: Weatherman Wishes Hugh Janus A Happy Birthday On Air
Guyism: Kate Upton Talks About Modeling
Barstool: Woman Can Only See Things Upside Down
BroBible: Google Street View Picks Up Public Handjob
TheChive: You Can’t Explain That! [PHOTOS]
HuffPost: Cop Demoted For Naked Pics [SFW]
DeadSpin: Portland Fan Picks Nose During Broadcast
Gothamist: 7 Scary St. Paddy Day Videos To Prepare You For The LIRR And MetroNorth Tomorrow
DailyMail: Gunman Kills 7 In Cancun Spring Break Bar
Egotastic!: Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Pictures
Guyism: Human Statue Punches Tourist In Face
COEDMagazine: The Best St. Patricks Day Cinnamon Challenge Ever
EliteDaily: Irish Yoga…When White People Get Too Wasted On St. Patrick’s Day
Let’s get one thing straight, Kate Upton is an extremely hot chick who, if standing in front of me, of course I would. But just like a girl who goes to college and packs on the freshman-15, she’s already on her way to being the next face for Jenny Craig. I’m not saying she’s fat…I’m saying she’s…well, thick. Thick as fuck. Now she’s still a model and still getting work but let’s just go down a brief timeline so I can show you what I mean.
2011 Kate receives Rookie of the Year honors in Sports Illustrated
My thinking: Wow! SI is really bringing it this year. This chick is 18?!
April 2011 Kate explodes onto scene when she ‘Dougies’ at the Clippers game. Couple weeks later the Cat Daddy is released too!
My thinking: Not only is this chick hot but she looks fun and actually has a personality too?? But why is she hanging out with child molesters?
February 2012 What can arguably be called the peak of her career, Kate lights up the internet with her cover shot on Sports Illustrated
My thinking: How in the hell is that swim suit staying on?
June 2012 Finally what everyone was waiting for. The epic GQ wet t-shirt photo shoot
My thinking: What just happened in my pants?
July 2012 Kate appears at a runway show only a month after the GQ shoot but appears more ‘voluptuous’ which is not good in runway standards.
My thinking: Uh oh. What’s going on?? Kate noooooo!
December 2012 Kate is seen at a photo shoot in the Antarctic for Oreo. Irony? Maybe.
My thinking: Damn Kate’s swim suit is on the losing end of a battle right now. And not in a good way!
January 2013 Kate shoots a Super Bowl commercial with her watching a group of guys wash a car while she wears a pair of mom jean shorts
My thinking: Is this an all-time low for Kate? She doesn’t even get to wash the car in a bikini PLUS she’s wearing the most amount of clothing I’ve ever seen her in? The fuck is going on?
In conclusion: Just sayin’…
Kate Upton you curvy bitch you! Have a safe weekend everyone!
So here’s what AskMen claims to be their top 20 most desirable women of 2013. 20) Claire Danes 19) Naomie Harris 18) Olivia Munn 17) Zooey Deschanel 16) Cheryl Cole 15) Emilia Clarke 14) Christina Hendricks 13) Blake Lively 12) Sofia Vergara 11) Candice Swanepoel 10) Michelle Jenneke 9) Jessica Pare 8) Jessica Gomes 7) Kristen Stewart 6) Miranda Kerr 5) Emma Stone 4) Rihanna 3) Kate Upton 2) Mila Kunis 1) Jennifer Lawrence.
Now I’m not sure what exactly ‘desirable’ means in this case but if I’m making a top 20 list, it would look a lot different. A few I can agree with but for the most part here’s what I’m going with and I doubt I’m alone:
For once Kate Upton has semi-disappointed me. A fully clothed Upton is equivalent to a Giants/Tigers World Series…who cares? Is it too much to ask for a bikini shot??
Puppies, naked babies, sheep, and a man dressed as a unicorn. No idea what their selling here but they got Kate Upton in it so they have my attention.
Since when are these considered outtakes!? Tough crowd.
