Posts Tagged ‘mating’

DailyMail: They are not known for their sexual prowess and their libidos are notoriously low. So conservationists in China are celebrating after a shy pair of pandas successfully mated while watching a porn video. Vets at the Panda Breeding and Research Base in Chengdu, Sichuan province, Southern China, were worried when inexperienced five-year-old female Colin kept rejecting her mate, Yongyong. To encourage the couple, they played the pair a film of pandas mating to show them what they should be up to. After that, staff at the centre said ‘there was no stopping them’. A spokesman for the centre said: ‘Every time Yongyong tried to mount her, Colin fought him off and we were worried she was going to miss her very short, three-day breeding cycle. ‘So we played them the film and she took great interest in it. ‘After that there was no stopping her and they mated successfully.’ One vet at the centre explained: ‘Colin is in her first year of sexual maturity. ‘In the wild she would have seen lots of other pandas mating so it’s no wonder that she needed a bit of help.’ The success rate of breeding giant pandas in captivity has been notoriously low. Few zoos outside China have managed to achieve results. Females are in season for such a small window and are also known to be very selective on their mates. Breeding in captivity has become vital to the giant pandas’ survival with the destruction of bamboo forests in China and south-east Asia. In the past Zoo keepers at the Chengdu  centre have put their charges through a rigorous exercise scheme – mainly involving apples – with the aim of improving their mating skills. The fruit is dangled from a string above the panda, luring it to stand on two legs. Keepers claim the technique teaches the creatures to perform a dance-like routine that strengthens the pelvic and hip area, boosting the animal’s stamina. The claim this form of  ‘sexercise’ should aid the males when mating.

 

So sounds like they are saying pandas are just like a fat, lazy married couple. I’m no zoologist but I’d say the key they were missing here is alcohol. You’re telling me a little bit of Jameson in their water bowl wouldn’t get things going? Yes, porn would help too, but if I’m a male panda locked in a cage with some fat bitch panda, and someone gives me alcohol and says you’re not leaving til we have baby pandas, she’s not making it out walking straight. After that, just throw a sandwich in my feeder, give me 10 minutes and I’ll continue to give you as many pandas as the population calls for. Not a bad gig the more I think about it but I’m just saying, why not give it a shot?

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For Christ sakes that thing looks like it has a mind of it’s own! Originally I thought this was a female elephant giving birth trunk first but nope. Just an elephant roaming around the Serengeti with a boner.

 

Anyone who tells me man didn’t evolve from ape, what do you have to say now? This lazy couch potato motherfucker just flipping his old lady over and going to pound town couldn’t look more like an obese redneck from the south. Too bad the video shut off before we got to see the donkey punch and the female making him a sandwich.