Month: October 2011

Another ‘Drags Vent Session’

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It’s been a rough few days for Drags as his beloved Yankees faltered in game 5 at home against the Detroit Tigers. He sent me an email asking to vent on a public forum so i reposted his email. The Monday morning sun rises with more disappointment as Drags’s home town Jets have now fallen to 2-3 and they still can’t figure out the right chemistry to get things going. Drags asked me to repost another email this morning that I’m pretty sure he wrote while also staring at a loaded revolver sitting in his lap. Anyway I digress…

 

WHO THE HELL IS IN THE GREEN AND WHITE?
By Chris Drags

Where, o’ where, have the New York Jets gone? Oh where, o’ where have they gone?  Forget the 8 three-and-outs. Forget the continued lack of “ground-and-pound.” Forget Sanchez throwing for 30 more yards than Green-Ellis ran for. Forget  that the Jet’s best offensive weapon was Joe McKnight! And forget letting Benjarvis Green-Ellis (not Tom Brady!) march down the field eating up seven minutes of clock on the self proclaimed “#1” defense with the Jets only down 6 in a must stop situation.  The real problem with the Jets?  Attitude.

Where is the team with the chip on their shoulder? Where’s the team that stands on the line looking like thugs with swagger?  Where’s the confidence? Where the fuck are the bullies!  Do the Jets only perform well when they’re told they won’t win?  Four washed up ex-hall of Fame players with too many head hits predict your team to actually, maybe, follow through on your “Super-bowl” predictions during a morning football program on CBS and you assume it’s just going to happen??

Remember back less than a year ago to the playoff game in Foxborough; the Jets were mad.  Bart Scott, as we all know now, felt disrespected.  They were tough, and played rough, pushed over the Patriots who blew them out only a month earlier.  They looked like the Jets….and that was the last time.  They were told all season long they weren’t going to do it, and once they beat the Pats, were told they had a reasonable chance…and then lost to the Steelers by laying down in the first half.  If the Jets need to be told that they can’t do it, that they aren’t good enough and that they are the underdogs to play well, then congratulations Jets, here it comes: you guys suck!  You’ve been bullied all year long.  You had glimmers against Dallas but still SHOULD have lost if not for Saint Romo passing out wins to the needy.  You blew out Jacksonville, but a Texas high school team could do that.  Then Oakland, Baltimore and New England put you in your place by kicking you in the face.

The worst part? After last night’s loss the Jets were not pissed about what happened, not pissed that they now have a losing record and just handed the Pats the keys to the AFC East, no, they were talking (in the locker room) about all the good things that they did do; which I’m still trying to figure out…held Welker to 124 yards maybe?  The Pats, the team in first, was angry after the win (!) because they thought they could have played better. I know Shawn Ellis is over there, but it sure looks like the mentalities are reversed.

The Jets have a long week off before a Monday night showdown against the Jet-killing Miami Dolphins, then they get the Chargers and a bye.  All we can hope for is that they watch PTI and see themselves get ripped a new one, because right now, Jets, you guys suck. Now use this motivation to fucking win!!

 

 

Tables Turn, This Time It’s Tiger Who Has A Weiner Thrown In His Face

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Gawker:

The Frys.Com Open, by far the most prestigious of all electronics-retailer-website-sponsored golf tournaments, was thrown into chaos today when a deranged fan, armed with a hot dog in a bun, sprinted towards Tiger Woods on the seventh green. Here’s how Woods, who was preparing for a birdie putt at the time, recalls it:

“Some guy just came running on the green, and he had a hot dog, and evidently … I don’t know how he tried to throw it, but I was kind of focusing on my putt when he started yelling.”

The 31-year-old, frankfurter-wielding assailant managed to launch the meat as far as the putting surface (the lighter and less aerodynamic bun barely reached the green), when he was arrested by Santa Clara sheriff’s deputies. Police described him as “very cooperative” during his arrest, though unforthcoming with any motive.

“He just shook his head in guilt or remorse. He didn’t give a reason why he did it.” […]

Dan Diggins, head of security for tournament sponsor Frys Electronics, said the man would be arrested for “everything” and described him as “just an idiot.” Woods, who has reached a level of deep inner-peace in his life — at least where matters of projectile wieners with his name on them are concerned — remained calm throughout the ordeal, but missed his 18-foot putt.

 

Can we officially call this karma? TW just slingin’ dick all over the place for years and Warren from ‘Something About Mary’ comes running onto the green to slap him in the face with a weiner. Gotta love this guy. He knew immediately he was done and gave in but I feel like if you’re gonna do this then go all the way. At least make security sack your ass! There’s nothing less intimidating than golf security too. Out of shape, middle aged men running at you as quietly as they can in a polo with khakis. If anything I would of been more scared of the retard running onto the green than he was of security. Best part about the whole thing was Tiger missed his putt right after. You suck….jackass!

 

Philly Sports Made NY Sports Seem Not As Bad This Weekend

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Yankees missed the team bus to game 5, Devils and Rangers lost their season openers, Giants and Jets both fell short of comebacks. This was a weekend where one of the few times in my life I actually wished I was living as a vegetable in a hospital bed so I didn’t have to witness New York sports. The only thing to cushion the blow was the fact that the Phillies were upset at home Friday night and the Eagles ‘Dream Team’ keeps on dreamin’ of a win. Hey Philadelphia, misery loves company so welcome to the party. The reason it was worse than NY’s weekend was that your billion dollar baseball team lost in the first round of the playoffs in a season they were expected to win every game and your billion dollar football team is in the cellar of the NFC East. I hate the fact that the Giants sucked but thank Christ I don’t have to spend another week listening to you obnoxious Philly fans. With no basketball in sight, I guess it’s on to hockey for the city of brotherly love where I’m sure somehow you’ll still manage to bomb that season.

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 5

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Despite all the injuries they’ve endured, the Giants are playing smash mouth football right now and that streak will continue right into this weekend. Seattle comes to GIANTS STADIUM Sunday where they are 1-6 all time. With not much to offer on either side of the ball, I’m actually surprised they are only receiving 9 points in this game. Expect the G-Men to light up the scoreboard and the defense to have another solid week and if Tuck returns, things might even get uglier. No fucking way do the Giants win this game by less than 9 points and I’m all over the U/O at 43.5.

419 Seattle Seahawks +9½  -110 +350
43½ O -110
U -110
17 O -115
U -115
420 New York Giants -9½  -110 -450
27 O -110
U -120
Week 5
Now…onto the goddamn Jets. I cannot fuckin predict one thing right with this team. They are all over the place. Not that it gets any better going into New England this weekend but the only light I can see at the end of the tunnel is how bad the Patriots defense is. No, I’m not saying the Jets are going to win this weekend but the 9 point spread has me scratching my chin. No doubt the Patriots will put up big numbers but I’m thinking the Jets might do the same thing. If Sanchez can put that miserable display of football last week behind him and actually throw an accurate pass, then they might be able to keep this game close. Also expect the Jets to do a lot of running in this game. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the Jets will lose but not by more than 9 points. Definitely taking that over at 48.5.
423 New York Jets +9  -110 +350
48½ O -110
U -110
20 O -110
U -120
424 New England Patriots -9  -110 -450
28½ O -125
U -105
Week 5

So The Trailer For ‘Paranormal Activity 3’ Made Me Shit Myself

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Little girls in nightgowns never fail to scare the shit out of me and this movie looks like that’s pretty much what it’s based on. I wasn’t too big on the first two of these movies but this one looks like it has potential. Considering I have the chills from only watching the trailer, I’m pretty sure this one will force me to sleep with a night light like I’m 4 years old again.

A Yankees Fan Vents…

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So just like any Yankee fan who woke up this morning, my friend needed to vent about the ridiculousness of last night. He asked me if he could send me something to post so of course I obliged. Anything to talk a friend off the ledge. In my opinion the right team won last night and if the Yankees plan on competing next season, they have a number of issues to address. But I’ll let Drags do the talking:

 

YANKEES BATS SAVED GIRARDI’S JOB
by Chris Drags

Last night the Yankees pulled off what took the Red Sox a full month to do
and did it in 1 day; they collapsed. They lost to an above average, but not
stellar, Detroit Tigers team at home, on their stage, playing by their rules
and were flat out embarrassed.  Don’t let the score fool you, the Yankees
were the worst team in baseball last night; and that is an indisputable
fact. They were 2 for 9 with runners in scoring position, 0 for 4 with the
bases loaded and they left 11 runners stranded; clearly this is the result
of $200 million at work.  It was not only frustrating as all hell but simply
sad.  The Yankees are a team that gloat more than Rex Ryan on a good day
about ‘Championship or bust’ but have only delivered on this once in the
past past decade.  The only aspect that came through last night was the
bullpen; the runs coming from starting pitchers; Nova’s two solo home runs
and CC’s “relief” ER.

The batting, their proclaimed strength, was abysmal throughout the entire
series and may have saved Girardi’s job; he can’t make ’em hit. A-Rod had an
A-Rod series batting .111,  Texiera continued to prove that he’s only a
glove at .167, Swisher, though entertaining as the Yankee Joker (dance for
us Swisher!!) continued to show that it’s  not all fun and games batting an
improved .211 and Martin, while putting on a clinic behind the plate, hit an
abysmal .176; maybe he would have done better against his hated Red Sox?
Jeter and Granderson (.250), Cano (.318), Gardner (.412). This leaves Posada
who hit an impressive .429 but was left looking like a sad child who keeps
wondering why no one wants to play with him; it was his last game as a
Yankee and he was the only one who played like a Yankee!!

It’s time to clean house.

Posada should get some sort of memorial in Yankee stadium, not monument
park, something equivalent to one step down as he won’t be on the team next
year.  Swisher, don’t let the door hit you on your giggling ass on the way
out.  Colon and Garcia served their purpose but need to make way for the
Killer B’s.  Chavez (who was kind of on the team) and Jones are gone.
Montero, IN.  Texiera is a $22.5 million glove and A-Rod is clearly past his
prime and an at best #5 hitter.   Cano, Granderson and Gardner are the only
redeeming qualities on the batting side, as long as Cano stops smiling like
a giddy school girl every time his hits a  home run; you’re team was still
down 3-1 and A-Rod was up next, the inning was over!! If second half Jeter
and Nova show up next year, and CC falls off the Captain Crunch wagon they
won’t fall on anyone’s chapping block.  It’s time to put Hughes in the
bullpen full time and bring up the Killer B’s (Banuelos and Betances) and
let them pull their version of the Rays utilizing home-grown pitching who
mow people down. It’s also time to cash in on Burnett’s one good game of the
season and trade him away for ANYTHING YOU CAN GET, even offer to pay $6
million of his contract.  Use the remaining $10.5 for a long innning relief
pitcher who is not Cory Wade and a quality second left handed reliever to
relieve Logan; this gives the killer B’s a security blanket next year.

Last night will not be the last time the Yankees make it to the post season,
not in a long shot, but last night did demonstrate why Cashman can’t go out
and buy up all the big money guys who play only during contract years.  It’s
time to find a new core four and let Jeter and Mo teach them the Yankee ways
before there aren’t any true Yanks left.  It was more than a chink in the
armor, it was a fatal blow.  Girardi has one year left to prove he can Billy
Beane his way to another championship, otherwise, next year this time, his
head will be where the Yankees bats are.

PinkVisual Has The Right Idea Building A Porn Bunker For The Coming 2012 Apocalypse

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PinkVisual:

As you might have read in the news this morning, we’re building an enormous underground bunker in preparation for the Apocalypse that various prognosticators and ancient calendar interpreters have predicted will take place in December of 2012. To answer the two main questions that are likely burning in your mind right about now (based on the responses we’ve received from media outlets to our press release this morning):

– Yes, we’re serious about this.

– No, I mean it: we really are building a great big underground bunker.

Why are we doing this, you ask? Look at this way; if the Apocalypse doesn’t happen in 2012, we will still have the coolest bunker on the planet, and we can use it as a location to shoot content in, rent it out to other studios –  maybe even major Hollywood studios – to use, or maybe even open a big underground strip club (although getting the requisite permits to do might be an issue with respect to that idea, admittedly). On the other hand, if the Apocalypse does happen, we’re in good shape, while all the people currently saying we’re nuts for building this bunker will be the ones who find themselves screwed.

 

Honestly, what does PinkVisual have to lose here? Love the idea and the floor plans look perfect. It’s really good to see they have their priorities together and I want in! While the rest of the world is killing each other for food and water, I’ll be sitting center stage drinkin’ bubbly and makin’ dollar bills rain on the hottest strippers around. I almost can’t wait for December 2012 now…

UFOs Make An Appearance Over NYC Last Night

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I don’t even wanna hear that “weather balloon and Chinese lantern” bullshit. We are probably going to be under attack by this weekend and it’s gonna fuck all my plans up! They always said if anything were to happen, NYC would be the first place they’d hit since we are the center of the universe and goddamn it I guess that time has come. I’m shocked I didn’t wake up this morning with a space ship hoovering over the Empire State Building with mandatory evacuations and Will Smith trying to save the day. Just like the guy said in the second video, “they want the major population centers wiped out.” Goddamn it just give me one more weekend!