Archive for July, 2012

Would You Eat Your Own Puke For $1,000?

Posted: July 31, 2012 by subwaycreatures in Funny
Tags: , , , , , ,


We’ve all been down that road of “would you do this or that for $1,000” but eating my own puke with the outside chance of even winning the $1,000?…I don’t think so. Don’t get me wrong, Mike ‘sucked it down’ like a champ but when you open up like a NYC fire hydrant, that’s when I concede. I was seriously hoping this would happen:



When you watch too much of the Olympics you tend to think you can do all the shit you see the gymnasts do. Nick, however, makes the Special Olympics look challenging by one of the most ridiculous displays of athleticism I’ve ever seen.

Side note: The females in the Olympic Games need to wear their age on their uniforms so I don’t feel like a total pedophile watching. Just saying.


Someone please tell me when the track event in the Olympics is because I will for sure be tuning in. Ivet Lalova is running for Bulgaria and has the best warmup technique I’ve ever seen. Normally I’d call the cameraman out for being a creeper but how else are you suppose to entertain yourself at one of these things?

We’re Not Gone, We’re Just On Vacation!

Posted: July 19, 2012 by subwaycreatures in Uncategorized


Listen, everyone needs a vacation now and again and I’m definitely overdue! We’ll be back to the grind July 31st. Who knows, maybe a post or 2 will find it’s way through next week. Either way keep sending stuff people…

Subway Treasure Thursday!

Posted: July 19, 2012 by subwaycreatures in Subway Treasures
Tags: , ,

Mermaids on the subway!

Caption Contest Winner…

Posted: July 19, 2012 by subwaycreatures in Caption of the Week


Terrence O’Quinn: You don’t exercise? Me either!


Thanks to everyone who participated. To get involved with the next caption contest, simply “LIKE” CitySubwayCreatures on Facebook and comment on the next contest. Winners will be posted later that day.

In honor of The Dark Knight Rises, which releases tonight at midnight, I thought it would be appropriate to rate/rank all 5 men who played Batman. This is based upon preparation for the character and acting and the ranking is 5-1 starting with the worst. Agree to disagree.

5. George Clooney













You may run the real world George but Batman seemed to be that one role you just couldn’t get. This was by far the worst Batman of them all! There are a number of actors I could never see in this role and you are near the top. Please stop trying to save Gotham and stick to your cocky, know-it-all characters like Daniel Ocean. Sweet nipple suit George.

4. Adam West










Poor Adam West. A victim of the era Batman came out, he can’t crack the list any higher. No awesome Batman armor, crazy weapons, or futuristic cars. Halloween costumes look better then what he had to work with. If it weren’t for George Clooney’s pathetic attempt, Adam would be a shoe-in at #5.

3. Val Kilmer















Right in the middle is the perfect spot for Val Kilmer. Not the greatest Batman but not the worst. If it weren’t for Michael Keaton deciding not to return, he wouldn’t even be in the conversation as Batman. Some people had issues with the way he played Bruce Wayne but others felt he gave a breath of fresh air to the series. If only Val stayed on for the next one instead of choosing to do The Saint, Clooney wouldn’t have almost ruined Batman for everyone!

2. Michael Keaton














Part of me wanted to put Michael Keaton at number one but under the circumstances (see below), he’s best at #2. Love what this guy did as Batman and I actually consider him the original even though Adam West has that title. No way anyone would ever guess Bruce Wayne is Batman when you look at Michael Keaton. The guy looks like the dad bringing the orange slices to the soccer game and next thing you know he’s jumping off buildings and putting bad guys to sleep.

1. Christian Bale













Let the debate for #1 begin. What some people don’t know is that when Christian Bale was tapped for the role of Batman, he had just finished The Machinist where he weighed 135 lbs. He had 6 months to gain 100 lbs of muscle in which he actually gained too much. He slimmed down to 190 lbs and ended up doing most of the fight scenes and stunts. Bale has played Batman the most times out of any actor and clearly there is a reason for that.


HuffPost: A giant risque billboard has gone up on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles that is sure to slow traffic along the Sunset Strip. The billboard, pictured above, is of a sexy blonde woman holding a cocktail and lounging next to the words, “ … for Mother F*ckers.“ describes itself as “the premier online dating service that pairs women in their prime with younger men and ends the double standard!” Elissa Buchter, spokeswoman for Cougar Life and a cougar herself, told The Huffington Post that the billboard is the first of more the company hopes to put up in Hollywood and West Hollywood. The company is targeting the area, Buchter said, because it is the national “cougar capital” — with more Cougar Life members in the 90069 zip code than anywhere else in the U.S. Regarding the term “mother f*ckers,” she commented, “The majority of cougars are single moms. And we thought it’d be a good way to get their attention and make a splash.” According to the Cougar Life website, a cougar is a woman 35 or older and seeking or involved with a “cub,” a man at least five years younger. The relationship works for both partners because “they’re both at their sexual peak,” Buchter explained. “Older women are a lot more confident, more willing to explore, and in touch with their sexuality,” she said. A lot of men in their late-20s want an independent woman who is not codependent and does not want drama or money, Buchter said. “Cougars have their own thing going on and can show cubs new experiences. And younger women are often cranky, indecisive, needy, immature and play a lot of games,” she said. As for the cougars, Buchter explained, “It’s refreshing for women to come across a man who’s in his prime and doesn’t have baggage.” It’s not surprising that the “cougar capital” is in Hollywood, the land of movie stars, money and plastic surgery. In a recent survey on, “cubs” ranked their favorite celeb cougars. Sharon Stone won with a landslide 44 percent of the votes, followed by Kathy Griffin (20 percent), Madonna (18 percent), Kim Cattrall (15 percent) and, lastly, Susan Sarandon (3 percent), according to the site.


Couple things about this. Nailed it on the head about the younger women being cranky, indecisive, needy, immature, and play a lot of games. Second, who the hell are they polling that 20% of people voted Kathy Griffin as a cougar?! If Hellen Keller were a man he would know Kathy Griffin is one of the most annoying, Andy Dick looking fire-crotches in the world. No way would she break the top 1,000 on my list. Sharon Stone and Kim Cattrall could get it though.


An unusual range of underwear is aiming to remind women to perform their daily kegel exercises. The ingenious PantyO, created by a Phoenix, Arizona-based clothing design company, is stitched at the crotch with a silicon ‘extension’, intended to sit inside a woman’s private parts while wearing the underwear. The one-inch long instrument serves as a ‘focus point’ for women who are medically advised to perform the pelvic floor exercises every day. The exercise itself involves consistently contracting and relaxing the muscles that belong to the pelvic floor and various instruments have been invented to assist the exercise. The PantyO comes in two designs; one is priced at $52.99 and another is priced at $85. Both versions feature Swarovski crystal details. Dayna Garrett, who is married with four children, told that she will be releasing more designs soon and is even planning a men’s underwear line. It will not feature the kegel exercise extension for obvious reasons. She hinted that the men’s design will, however, have its own unique perks. ‘It’s never been done before,’ she said of the top secret new product. ‘The design is totally different from the way men’s [underwear] is designed now.’ She also added that she believes women should be performing 90 kegel exercises per day. But she also admitted that she has had no medical-related assistance in designing and producing her product. Her personal gynaecologist, however, thought it was a ‘fantastic’ product idea. Kegel exercises are said to improve bladder control and help strengthen the pelvic wall in preparation for childbirth. For mothers, it is also said to restore a pelvic wall’s strength after a woman has given birth. Medical information provided on PantyO’s website state that the exercises also help women ‘focus’ and ‘release stress throughout the day’. ‘A tighter vaginal passage increases sexual pleasure and makes you more orgasmic!!!’ it adds.


Dayna Garrett had no medical-related assistance designing her product and thinks women should be doing 90 kegel exercises a day. What could possibly go wrong?!


Other than drinking it, water has always seemed to be Kryptonite for black people. Someone please explain this to me?? I’m as serious as the guy drowning in this video when I ask this question. I’m not trying to generalize because clearly some black people (including in the video) know how to swim but this seems to happen a lot. Move your hands and kick your feet. It’s not rocket science yet they still manage to make water look like quick sand. Oh, and it makes it very difficult to help out when you use the rescuers as buoys. Don’t do that. Someone please help me understand this phenomenon!

Side note: I don’t even want to hear anything about this being racist. You got us in the jumping and dick category so we’ll call it even.