FACT: George Clooney Got His Sack Ironed Out

Posted: June 11, 2013 by subwaycreatures in News
Tags: , , , , ,


COED: In Janurary of this year, George Clooney told European magazine, Max, a few interesting details about his life: “I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing.’” Are you a man like megastar George Clooney who has been bothered by the wrinkles on his testicles and never knew what to do about it? Well you’re in luck! You can literally iron your balls. Yes, Ball Ironing. The craze that’s been taking over Hollywood and any rich assh*le who has no idea what to do with their money anymore. According to well-known beautician Nurse Jamie her male clientele has gone from 15% of her total patients to a now whopping 40%, who now pay an average of $900 a visit for various services, including the “Male Laser Lift,” as it’s called on her site. According to the celeb beautician, the results of having your balls ironed out last up to four weeks, and she recommends around six sessions per client.


I mean why not, right? When you have the money, the impressive female resume, the looks, and no matter what you do–you can’t do wrong, why not have the wrinkles in your sack pressed out and tell the world about it? When I think about it though it makes me wonder if afterwards it looks like an old man’s ear lobe. Like a glob of Silly Puddy hanging off your dick. No way you pay all that money for it to look like that though, right? Maybe originally it looks like that and then they give it a quick tummy tuck and you’re good. If this turns into a trend–which it already sounds like it’s going that way–I’ve lost faith in all humanity.

  1. […] it because he refuses to get married? Not want kids? Have an ironed out nut sack? Either way he’s always been vocal about all three topics so I’m not really sure where […]

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