Australian Bettles Are Dying From Too Much Sex With Beer Bottles


“the beer bottles happen to possess all of the features that drive male Australian jewel beetles wild. They’re big and orangey brown in color, with a slightly dimpled surface near the bottom (designed to prevent the bottle from slipping out of one’s grasp) that reflects light in much the same way as female wing covers.”


God if I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard this one. Just look at that bottle! Glistening in the sun, light reflecting off that smooth round glass, that gaping bottle neck just asking to get humped! How can you blame the beetle here? Problem is that the damn beetle doesn’t have enough spunk to go around for everyone and are wasting it all on these whore bottles. Hey Australia, clean up your goddamn streets and we wouldn’t have this problem.


Sidenote: What’s up with the beetles dick being half the size of it’s body? Would it be wrong to start the phrase ‘hung like a beetle?’

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