Just Like The Rest Of America, I’m 110% Sure I Have The Golden Ticket


Biggest lottery payout in the history of lottery payouts and I’m sitting pretty with a $5 ticket. Already had some ideas about what I’m gonna do with my winnings which should come out to around $1 cajillion after taxes. In no specific order:

– Build my own fuckin’ Chocolate Factory with strippers instead of Oompa Loompas

– Throw Rex Ryan an offer he can’t refuse to immediately go in hiding and never show his face in the NFL again.

– Buy Staten Island and drop a nuke on it.

– Drop Pairs Hilton and Kim Kardashian on the ‘Lost’ island

– Buy a lifetime supply of Chips Ahoy! Chewy.

– Buy a helicopter to take me from uptown Manhattan to downtown

– Buy Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion

– Buy the moon

What would you do…?

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