I don’t even wanna hear that “weather balloon and Chinese lantern” bullshit. We are probably going to be under attack by this weekend and it’s gonna fuck all my plans up! They always said if anything were to happen, NYC would be the first place they’d hit since we are the center of the universe and goddamn it I guess that time has come. I’m shocked I didn’t wake up this morning with a space ship hoovering over the Empire State Building with mandatory evacuations and Will Smith trying to save the day. Just like the guy said in the second video, “they want the major population centers wiped out.” Goddamn it just give me one more weekend!