So About Those Crazy, Exotic Animals In Ohio…

ZANESVILLE, Ohio – Townspeople cowered indoors Wednesday as deputies with high-powered rifles hunted down and killed lions, bears and dozens of other exotic beasts that escaped from a wild-animal preserve after the owner, Terry Thompson, threw their cages open and committed suicide. After an all-night hunt, at least 30 of the 48 escaped animals had been gunned down. As of mid-morning, officers were still hunting for a grizzly bear, mountain lion and monkey. Schools closed, parents were warned to keep children and pets indoors and flashing signs along highways told motorists, “Caution exotic animals” and “Stay in vehicle.” Thompson left the cages open and the fences unsecured, releasing dozens of animals, including lions, tigers, bears and wolves, before committing suicide, said Muskingum County Sheriff Matt Lutz. Authorities would not say how he killed himself and no suicide note was found. Lutz wouldn’t speculate on why he committed suicide. But Thompson had had repeated run-ins with the law, and Lutz said the sheriff’s office had received numerous complaints since 2004 about animals at the property.


I’m sorry but is that a full grown fuckin’ lion right there? Terry Thompson, didn’t you read about the lady who tried to raise an ape and it ate her face off? And that was just one animal! You’ve got the entire fuckin’ 6 Flags Safari going on in your backyard and somehow you’ve been allowed to have this all this time? Ohio, I just don’t get it. You did this to yourself. No one told Terry he couldn’t have these animals and look what happened. You’re just lucky no one was hurt other than Terry who popped his own head off. I couldn’t stop thinking about the Island of Dr. Moreau while watching all of this go down. Animals just teaming up to try to take over Ohio. I’ll tell ya we would probably be better off.

If I were an Ohio cop, I don’t know if I would be excited or scared out of my mind to hunt these animals. ‘Hey, grab your rifle and elephant bullets. We’re going big game hunting tonight! Tonight?? You mean in the dark? I think I’ll keep an eye on Jamal in his cell, but thanks for the invite.



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