Woman Understandably Stabs Husband Over Monopoly Game

The Smoking Gun:

A New Mexico woman repeatedly stabbed her boyfriend after accusing him of cheating during a Monopoly game early yesterday, according to police. Laura Chavez, 60, and her boyfriend were playing the popular board game at her Santa Fe apartment when the dispute occurred. Chavez allegedly admitted stabbing her beau, Clyde “Butch” Smith, with a kitchen knife. Police reported that both Chavez and the 48-year-old Smith appeared to be intoxicated. The man, who cops found bleeding heavily from wounds on his head and right wrist, was hospitalized yesterday in stable condition. Smith told investigators that Chavez first hit him over the head with a glass bottle and then “grabbed a knife and began cutting him, causing injuries to the top of his head, neck, left eye brow and right wrist area.” When cops arrived at Chavez’s building, she was sitting under the porch “covered with suspected blood.” Asked if the blood was Smith’s, she answered, “Yes, I fucked him up.” Chavez went to jail on a variety of charges, including aggravated battery on a household member with a deadly weapon and battery on a law enforcement officer. She is being held in the Santa Fe county lockup in lieu of $5000 bond.

I don’t have any sympathy for Clyde in this situation. Do you know how many times I’ve felt like I’ve wanted to do the exact same thing? You own the entire left side of the boardwalk, I keep landing in jail, and the goddamn Chance cards are just giving me ‘Roll Agains’ which just put me back on your property! I honestly feel like the 99% at OccupyWallStreet when I play this fuckin’ game. Cold, lonely, homeless, and wondering what the fuck I’m doing. The game should come with a disclaimer not to drink alcohol while playing to avoid exact shit like this. Do you know what a great feeling it must have been for Laura when she told the cops ‘Yes, I fucked him up’? Yea, he might have beat me in Monopoly but I’m not the one bleeding and crying in the corner right now!