Monogamy is failing men. Not only is it failing them, but it’s a “socially compelled sexual incarceration” that can lead to a life of anger and contempt, or so says Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England’s University of Winchester and author of the provocative new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating. Cheating, however, serves men pretty well. An undiscovered affair allows them to keep their relationship and emotional intimacy, and even if they’re busted it’s a lot easier than admitting that they wanted to screw someone else in the first place, he writes. In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, “even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner.” Contrary to what we may think, most men aren’t cheating because they don’t love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn’t pooh-pooh that. Monogamy’s stronghold on our beliefs — what he calls monogamism — brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries. That doesn’t make sense to Anderson, who wonders why we stigmatize someone who has a fling more than couples who divorce — throwing away a marriage rich in history and love, upsetting their kids’ lives — over something like sex. Monogamy isn’t the only “proper” way to be in a relationship, and he says it’s time that society finds “multiple forms of acceptable sexual relationship types — including sexually open relationships — that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony.” It’s especially important for today’s young men, for whom monogamous sex seems more boring than in generations past because of easy premarital sex and pornography. For the full story go here
OK, before all the females jump down my throat, I just want to say that I’ve said this for a long time. Men are programmed to think with the wrong head and it might sound naive and ignorant but they honestly don’t have control most of the time. When men see an attractive woman, their brains put everything aside almost as if they are wearing blinders and nothing else exists around them. First thing they think about is what it would be like to have sex with that woman. I’m not saying they all act on it, but mentally that’s where they are at. Anyone who says ‘no, no. I love my wife/girlfriend. I would never…’ is lying. It’s just not in the DNA. Men usually don’t need love and emotions for sex. It helps, but we’ll go for it regardless. I’ve never heard of a dude say ‘I’m just not feeling it right now’ or ‘I’m just not in the mood.’ If you ever do hear this, you better question his sexual preference. I know the comments are going to come in and I’m expecting that but I’m just being real for a minute.
After a few years in a relationship shit just begins to get repetitive. This isn’t a knock on the women but men have very, very short attention spans and unless your keeping it fresh and different in the bedroom, eyes are going to wander. Divorce rates are higher than ever and people are waiting much longer to get married. Why do you think that is? Most women will say ’cause men are scared of commitment.’ Kinda. We’re scared of the thought of fuckin the same chick for the rest of our lives. Sounds insensitive but it’s true. I can hear it now…’damn this guy is clearly bitter and lonely and will be for the rest of his life. How sad.’ Well, that may be true but at least I won’t be caught in a hotel room by a ‘Cheaters’ camera crew, taken for every cent I’m worth in court, and restarting my life at age 40.