Lindsay Lohan Dead; Donald Trump Expecting; Sarah Palin’s Sex Tape

Buzzfeed:

I’ll tell you why I knew this was bullshit right away.

A) I’m 99% sure nothing in this world can kill Lindsay Lohan. I’ve been waiting for it for years and just when we think we’re gonna get lucky, somehow she rebounds like Dennis Rodman. Cats have 9 lives? Well Ms Lohan has 9 million. If she was going to die it would’ve been years ago and now we are all going to have to live the torture of her bad movies, terrible singing, and constantly being in the press for irrelevant reasons.

B) Donald Trump pregnant? Come on TrustoCorp. You can do better than that. We all know Donald would abort that baby faster than a teenage girl at her prom. No way is he letting a child come in between him and his conquest to take over the world! The Donald is too selfish to take care of himself with a party of one in his belly. Shame on you, you should know better!

C) Sarah Palin sex tape. Nowwww you got my attention. Not only do I think this bitch is stupid enough to make one, but I would be first to buy multiple copies. As much as I hate her, I can’t deny she’s got the sexy librarian look really working. It wouldn’t be that green night vision shit either. She would probably make it in 3D and name drop a few times on accident to confirm it was definitely her. Palin 2012!

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