BREAKING NEWS: The Yankees Hate The Red Sox



NEW YORK — Adding fuel to baseball’s bitterest rivalry, New York Yankees catcher Russell Martin said he hates the Boston Red Sox and would relish adding to their misery by helping to eliminate them from the playoffs during this weekend’s series between the two teams. “Anything to get the Red Sox out would be awesome for me,” said Martin, who has been involved in the rivalry for one season. When asked why, Martin sounded like the truest Bleacher Creature. “Because I hate the Red Sox,” Martin said. Last winter, Martin almost went to Boston. The three teams most interested in signing him as a free agent were the Yankees, the Red Sox and the Toronto Blue Jays. The Yankees outbid the other clubs and gave Martin the best chance to start. Martin, 28, got $4 million plus performance bonuses.


This just in! This just in! A New York Yankee hates the Boston Red Sox and wants nothing but to eliminate their playoff hopes! Oh my God the humanity! Even my 11 year old sister who doesn’t follow baseball knows that the Yankee/Red Sox rivalry is the most heated, competitive rivalry in any sport played. The games reach record lengths, the stadiums sell out, and most of the time at least 2 of the 3 games of the series get nationally televised. Why is this even news that Russell Martin hates the Red Sox? I mean no shit! Poll both clubhouses and give me the names of any player who doesn’t hate the other team and I’m sure you won’t see them on the roster next year. I’m 99.9% sure there is a clause when you sign a contract for either team saying you HAVE to hate the other and eliminate any chance they might have at the playoffs.


Despite the way the Sox are currently playing, if they make the playoffs they still have a shot at winning. So yes, if I were Russell Martin I would watch their games with a shit-eating grin rubbing my hands together as they blow their last chance at playoff hopes. And if it means the Yankees can’t sit back and rest players and actually have to TRY down the home stretch then goddamnit do it! This is October we’re talking about here! Fuckin’ New Yawk and Bahston media, I tell ya…

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