Four Loko Makers Finally Admit Their Drink Is Equivalent To 4 Beers

 

Poor Four Loko. The makers of this delightful beverage have been forced time and time again to alter their product and their packaging to appease the fun-hating SLA, FDA and general party-poopers across the country, and now, they’re being made to adapt once more to the growing tide of naysayers. This time, Phusion Projects is bowing to the demandsof the Federal Trade Commission, who accused the company of falsely advertising the potency of the beverage. But will the new labels deter customers, or just get them even more psyched to pick up some Blackout in a Can? Phusion had apparently been advertising that a 23.5-ounce can of Loko, at 11-12 percent alcohol, had the same amount of alcohol has one or two regular old 12-ounce beers and could be safely consumed in one sitting. As it turns out, a 23.5-ounce can of Loko actually has as much alcohol as four or five beers, which might explain why people are crashing their cars all over the place after sipping upon the beverage. The new labels will name the amount of alcohol in one can and compare it to the amount in a regular beer, so they’ll look something like this: “This can has as much alcohol as 4 regular (12 oz. 5 percent alc/vol) beers.” 

 

Thanks for this Phusion. Cause no one who has had a Four Loko before knew or found out the actual strength of your drink. I knew the first time I had one of these fuckin things that this was not going to be just any ordinary night of drinking. I’ll just leave it at this, I looked like the girl from The Exorcist by the end of the evening. Head spinning around on my shoulders, projectile vomiting on everyone. I didn’t know whether to run a 5k race or pass out standing up. Just living in a world of confusion. And of course I don’t remember this, it was what I was told 2 days later when I came to. I’m pretty confident I took 5-6 years off my life and my kids might be born with extra limbs because of the shit in this drink. The kicker is that it doesn’t even taste good! So again, thanks Phusion for the honesty!

 

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