Who doesn’t like a good wedding? Open bar, single women, free food…and now I have an app for my phone that will literally guide me there step by step. I think the best part about this is that the app even turned it into a game which keeps track of points so you can compare your wedding crashing skills against others. Got a seat at a front table? Bam 50 points. Taking pics with other wedding guests? Bam 75 points. Bang the Maid of Honor? Bam 1,000 points. But who the fuck am I kidding? If there were ever someone to get caught crashing a wedding it would be me. When it comes down to lying on the spot I clam up like an oyster and stand out like a Jew in Palestine. Boom, thrown out the front door like Uncle Phil always did to Jazz in Fresh Prince.
Side Note: How fuckin’ pissed would you be if you had a wedding coming up? I would have someone guarding that front door like it’s the White House