Midget Is Paralyzed During Dwarf Tossing; May Have Ruined It For All Of Us

HuffPost:

A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub, according to The Telegraph. Martin Henderson, the victim, blames English rugby players who attended a dwarf-tossing contest at a New Zealand bar during the World Cup for inspiring the hooligan, The Daily Mail says. While smoking a cigarette outside The White Horse in Wincanton on his 37th birthday in October, Henderson says a drunken stranger picked him up and threw him, causing him to land hard on his back, Metro says. Henderson rejoined his friends, who were shooting pool, but soon began to lose feeling in his back and legs. The 4-foot-2-inch man was dropped from three feet off the ground, according to the BBC. An exam at a nearby hospital revealed that he’d suffered nerve damage, and he was released the next day. Multiple sources report that Henderson’s condition has since worsened, due in part to an existing spinal condition. Henderson claims to feel numbness in his lower back and legs. He struggles to maintain his balance, and walks with the aid of braces. For longer distances, he uses a wheelchair. The injuries derailed what he described as a promising acting career. Police have launched an investigation to find the hooded man who attacked Henderson. In the meantime, Henderson is asking for an apology from the English rugby team. Several players — including the captain, Mike Tindall, who’s married to Queen Elizabeth’s granddaughter — celebrated a during the World Cup in September with rowdy behavior in a bar that featured dwarf tossing. There’s no denial that the team attended the “Mad Midget Weekender” event. However, the squad’s coach denies that his players participated in the dwarf-tossing, according to The Mirror.

CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story said Henderson demanded an apology from the incorrect English sports team. He blames the rugby team for inspiring the attack oh him.

Hey Martin Henderson, I have BIG plans for this upcoming St. Patty’s Day and if you ruin this for me, I’m gonna be extremely upset. We’re talking multiple kegger, leprechaun tossing, Beer Olympics, that will all come to a screeching halt if this gets banned. Listen, it sucks that you turned out to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but when you’re a midget at an event called the “Mad Midget Weekender” attended by rugby teams, you should expect nothing less. And as for you’re “promising acting career,” the only famous midgets I know is Wee-Man (who isn’t even famous for anything) and the guy with the enormous head from Game Of Thrones (and I couldn’t even tell you his name). That’s as promising of a career that you have to look forward to. Dwarf Tossing is one vote away from becoming a Summer Olympic Event so don’t fuck this up for the world!

Florida Politician Wants To Repeal Dwarf Tossing Ban

Palm Beach Post:

Citing his “quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people,” a Republican state legislator has submitted a billthat would repeal Florida’s 22-year-old ban on tossing little people for sport at bars. He’s doing it for job creation! The bill’s sponsor, Melbourne-based Rep. Ritch Workman, told the Palm Beach Post that the “archaic” 1989 ban serves no other purpose than to “prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get…In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?” Make no mistake: Workman’s no fan of dwarf-tossing! He calls it “repulsive and stupid.” But he doesn’t believe the state should tell dwarves that they can’t be tossed for pay. Workman reportedly created his bill without talking to any little people, maybe because he didn’t know any or lost their numbers or JOBS. Meanwhile, past and present leaders of the Little People of America don’t support his bill at all:

“The people who were thrown [before the ban] were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said [former Little People of America president] Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

[…]

“[Dwarf tossing is] something that brings out the worst element in some people, and it’s focused on people who are the most vulnerable,” Van Etten said.

Finally a politician I can vote for! This guy was definitely in a frat in college. And way to cash in on the current economy and job situation. I agree! Give dwarfs, midgets, little people, etc. something to do! All we’re doing is creating jobs here. I had a friend who hired one of these little guys for St. Patrick’s Day and dressed him up in a leprechaun costume to take pictures and serve beer. You know what that little shit did? He got drunk off his ass, tried to rape a chick, and at the end of the night was asking everyone if they knew where he could get coke. See, midgets have habits they need to pay for too. Let’s not discriminate and make these people go underground. I support this bill all over America! I’m on your side little guys.

Side note: If this bill passes, what better way to celebrate than tossing little guys around your office!