You’re not a piece of meat — but you can still be a “bacon lover.” The pork-o-philes at J & D’s Foods say they’re cooking up their first genuine batch of Baconlube. For just $11.99 plus shipping, you can lather up in their smokey, salty, and delicious lubricant-massage oil. Of course, such an outrageous offering should be taken with a grain of J & D’s signature bacon salt. In April 2009, the company introduced the same product — also known as the “McRib of Sex” — as an April Fools Day joke. “But when the joke ended, the emails kept coming,” J & D’s website explains. “People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built.” The news is particularly exciting for Canadian bacon lovers, who will no longer be forced to choose between their two favorite past times. “So you’re welcome Canada, you’re welcome — we’ve got your back,” a press release obtained by the Toronto Star said.
The ‘McRib of Sex’. God, doesn’t that sound hot? I just wanna see the people on the ‘waiting list’ for this shit. I’ve seen some of the chicks my friends take home and all I’m gonna say is the smell of bacon might be a little bit of a distraction for these girls. Personally, I like to keep the smell of food separate from what happens in the bed but then I thought of one positive that might come from this. It might be a stretch but if you use this enough, your girl will turn into one of Pavlov’s dogs and always associate the smell of bacon with sex. You won’t be able to go into an IHOP or Denny’s without getting humped until your Grandslam comes. Someone please order this and tell me about your experience.