Grandma Claims She Is Constantly Groped In Bed By A Ghost

Daily Mail:

A grandmother claims she is being haunted by a poltergeist who continually gropes her as she tries to sleep. Doris Birch, of Herne Bay, began experiencing the nocturnal disturbances in her flat four months ago. The 73-year-old said: ‘It’s like an octopus. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. ‘I kicked frantically and it went away. ‘I’ve tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress. ‘I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference. ‘This is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It’s harassing me. ‘I need to call in the Ghostbusters.’ Mrs Birch, who lives alone, says she has consulted a vicar who believes the disturbances are being caused by a ‘lost spirit’, according to the Canterbury Times. The former nursing home assistant has had a promise from a local husband-and-wife ghost hunting team to send the poltergeist packing. Spirit medium Ray Herne says he will draw the ghost into him while his wife Beryl will capture it in a ‘vortex of light’ and send it to the ‘other side’.


I can totally relate to this woman. Growing up through puberty I had nocturnal disturbances every other night and let me tell you, it made for long nights and weird mornings, especially when you’re sharing a room with your two brothers. Mrs. Birch needs to lighten up and go with the flow. Be happy someone stills wants to feel you up at 73-years old. It’s like that scene from Ghostbusters when Ray catches a hummer from the ghost floating over his bed. I would only hope that would happen to me but I don’t think ghosts are coming to NYC anytime soon.

Side note: I watched Ghostbusters every week growing up and never knew what was really going on in that scene until high school. Explains a lot about my childhood.