Tag: grandma

Old Granny Twerks All Over Walmart

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Walmart is a magical place filled with characters you read about from Where The Wild Things Are. If you choose to go, you’re more than likely to encounter white trash women wearing their children’s clothes, men with face tattoos wearing nothing but thongs, and apparently old grandmas twerkin’ over unbelievable savings. It wouldn’t surprise me if this was a planted video to gain publicity for the store but considering this is one of the more normal things you’d see in a Walmart, I just changed my mind.

If you’ve never been to the People of Walmart website, I recommend you do so and clear your schedule for the day! Click Me.

 

‘Extreme Cougar Wives’ Is Not Something I Want To Watch But Probably Will

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I just got the chills you get when your whole body shakes in disgust. You know, like when you see a 70 something year old lady sucking face with a dude in his 20s. Yet another show on TV that I shouldn’t want to watch but probably will purely for the shock factor. Just like the sushi cologne that came out, I can’t believe there’s a market for these dried up ladies. I guess everyone’s got their thing but flabby tits and saggy asses ain’t mine.

‘Meet The Fokkens’; You Know, The 68-Year Old Twin Hookers

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Just look at’em. The youth. The charm. The sex appeal. The pineapple figures. How can anyone resist? How the hell can you not get by on state pension checks but hooking as a grandma is doing the job? Fuck is wrong with some of these countries? Anyway, not a documentary I’ll put at the top of my Netflix queue any time soon.

Old Grandma Tries To Take The Cinnamon Challenge; Hint…Epic Fail

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Holyyyyyy shit! This piece of gold hit the white trash trifecta on the nose! Facial tattoos, half naked people, and swearing grandmas with no teeth. Simply amazing! The sounds that come out of this old bags mouth are just horrifying. At one point she sounded like a 1 week old baby crying and the next she was coughing like she had been working in a mine for 30 years. And those teeth didn’t fall out on accident! That gummy bear went into panic mode and evacuated everything in her mouth as quickly as she could.

Supposedly, this grandma is 60-years old and I’m not at all surprised that she looks 85. That’s what 45 years of drinking, smoking, and drugs will do to the human body. Sorry grandma, you do not get $50 and get those chiclets off the floor before the dog comes and buries them in the backyard.

Grandma Claims She Is Constantly Groped In Bed By A Ghost

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Daily Mail:

A grandmother claims she is being haunted by a poltergeist who continually gropes her as she tries to sleep. Doris Birch, of Herne Bay, began experiencing the nocturnal disturbances in her flat four months ago. The 73-year-old said: ‘It’s like an octopus. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. ‘I kicked frantically and it went away. ‘I’ve tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress. ‘I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference. ‘This is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It’s harassing me. ‘I need to call in the Ghostbusters.’ Mrs Birch, who lives alone, says she has consulted a vicar who believes the disturbances are being caused by a ‘lost spirit’, according to the Canterbury Times. The former nursing home assistant has had a promise from a local husband-and-wife ghost hunting team to send the poltergeist packing. Spirit medium Ray Herne says he will draw the ghost into him while his wife Beryl will capture it in a ‘vortex of light’ and send it to the ‘other side’.

 

I can totally relate to this woman. Growing up through puberty I had nocturnal disturbances every other night and let me tell you, it made for long nights and weird mornings, especially when you’re sharing a room with your two brothers. Mrs. Birch needs to lighten up and go with the flow. Be happy someone stills wants to feel you up at 73-years old. It’s like that scene from Ghostbusters when Ray catches a hummer from the ghost floating over his bed. I would only hope that would happen to me but I don’t think ghosts are coming to NYC anytime soon.

Side note: I watched Ghostbusters every week growing up and never knew what was really going on in that scene until high school. Explains a lot about my childhood.

71-Year-Old Woman Caught Having Sex In Car In Middle Of The Day

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The Smoking Gun:

You thought after your 18th birthday you’d grown out of having sex in the back of the car. Not so for 71-year-old senior citizen Rita Daniels who was arrested for getting it on in the back of her Buick with a guy she picked up at a bar. Yes, it appears that Daniels and her 54-year-old boytoy Tim Adams met over drinks and decided to go screw in the back of Daniels’ car (whose license plate reads “DIVA 145”) in the parking lot of a restaurant in the middle of the day. Someone called the cops who found the car a-rocking and they came a-knocking on the steamy windows. When they asked Adams what he was doing he said, “I’m fucking this chick.” Oh man, all the details of this story just get better and better. They were both arrested for indecent exposure and public drunkenness and taken to jail. Hopefully Daniels behaved like a real diva and threw a fit or two (or at least hit on the guards) before being set free.

 

I mean, you go day drinking in the midwest and this is what you’ll most likely find but goddamn! How drunk must you be to have beer goggles where this chick looks even remotely decent?! Not that old Timmy boy here is any catch but look at grandma in this mugshot. Straight up looks like Cruella Deville, on crack, 40 years after 101 Dalmatians. And Tim’s mugshot is priceless. If that doesn’t look like the face of a guy who just got caught having sex in broad daylight with a nasty 71-year old hag, then I don’t know what it looks like. I can’t honestly say that it’s shame cause when they cops came to the window and asked him what he was doing, he simply replied “I’m fucking this chick.” Like it was no big deal and please close the door and walk away. Call me crazy but why do I get the feeling this isn’t Rita’s first time doing this?