‘Extreme Cougar Wives’ Is Not Something I Want To Watch But Probably Will

 

I just got the chills you get when your whole body shakes in disgust. You know, like when you see a 70 something year old lady sucking face with a dude in his 20s. Yet another show on TV that I shouldn’t want to watch but probably will purely for the shock factor. Just like the sushi cologne that came out, I can’t believe there’s a market for these dried up ladies. I guess everyone’s got their thing but flabby tits and saggy asses ain’t mine.

Man Crashes Car, Strips Naked, And Carjacks Others

 

Victims first answer, bath salts. That’s what the media has done to us. Bath salts and zombies. I’ve seen the movie “Falling Down” and maybe this guy was just having one of those days. Either way Arizona is gonna throw the book at him and Sheriff Arpaio will have him in a pink jump suit slaving away in the desert sun.

Just When You Thought It Went Away, Another ‘Zombie’ Attack In Florida

 

Florida man on drugs got naked, barged into his girlfriend’s house, bit a chunk out of a man’s arm and ate it, then powered through several cop-deployed Taser probes before getting tackled and arrested. Those are just some of the allegations against Charles Baker of Palmetto, who is already being likened to the Miami man shot and killed after he got naked and chewed 75-percent of a homeless man’s face off. Baker, 26, was visiting his children at his girlfriend’s house on Wednesday night, WPTV reported. He was allegedly high on an unknown substance when he started yelling, throwing furniture around the home, and taking off his clothes. Jeffrey Blake, 48, who lives at the home, tried to stop the madness, but Baker reportedly chewed a slab of flesh from Blake’s arm. Somehow Blake was able to restrain him until cops arrived. But the violence didn’t end there. Baker was allegedly going wild, tensing his body and screaming at police, ABC News reported. An officer deployed a Taser on Baker and he fell, but got back up and pulled out the probes. Then the officer used a handheld stun gun — twice — before he was able to subdue an apparently crazed Baker and arrest him. Baker was taken to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation before he went to jail. He was allegedly high on unknown drugs during the melee. It’s unclear if his children saw the episode. It’s the third case of flesh-biting in Florida similar to the Miami incident in as many weeks. On Saturday, Giovanni Martinez allegedly bit into the arm of a hospital nurse and threatened to eat hospital staff’s faces off “like that guy in Miami.”

I don’t know what they got in the water down in Florida but tasers aren’t gonna cut it, bro!

Man Arrested For Having Sex With Teddy Bear…For The 4th Time

Cincinnati, Ohio (The Weekly Vice) – Charles Marshall, a 28-year-old Cincinnati man was jailed Wednesday after he was allegedly caught having sex with a teddy bear in a public place. The arrest marks the fourth time he has been arrested for the same charge. According to Cincinnati Police, Marshall was apprehended near the Elm Street Health Clinic after employees spotted him masturbating with a teddy bear in an alley and called police. When officers arrived, he was still masturbating with the bear. Investigators say this is the fourth time Marshall had been arrested for similar charges since 2010. In the past, he had received short stays in prison and was ordered to pay small fines. In 2010, we was ordered to stay away from all public libraries in Hamilton County, Ohio after a witness saw him masturbating with a stuffed animal in a public restroom. He was arrested again in 2010 and in 2011. It is unclear whether Marshall used the same teddy bear on every occasion. Marshall was booked into jail and charged with engaging in public indecency and disorderly conduct.
Every once in a while a stuffed animal will come along that will catch your eye and you know right then and there that you have to bang it. After all, it’s love at first sight. Well, not really but that’s the world Charles Marshall is living in. The movie ‘TED’ must be like hardcore porn for this dude!

Little Boy Dies, Comes Back To Life At Funeral, Promptly Dies Again

Daily Mail: A two-year-old Brazilian boy, Kelvin Santos, stopped breathing during a treatment for pneumonia and was declared dead at 7:40pm on Friday. His body was handed over to his family in a plastic bag, and the devastated family took him home where they held a wake for him. Throughout the night the little boy’s body laid in an open coffin, but an hour before his funeral was supposed to take place on Saturday, the boy apparently sat up in his coffin and said: “Daddy, can I have some water?”. Unfortunately the “miracle” was short lived, because shortly after waking, the little boy laid back down, just the way he was. The family could not wake him, and he was dead again. The father rushed his son back to the Aberlardo Santos hospital in Belem, and doctors reexamined the boy, but unfortunately confirmed that he had no signs of life. The family decided to delay the funeral for an hour in the hope that he would wake up again, but ended up burying him at 5pm that day in a local cemetery.

 

You gotta be kidding me with this one! Miracle, shmiracle. How you suppose to bury this kid if he’s gonna snap out of it an hour later asking for milk and cookies? Hey Kelvin, make up your goddamn mind. You can’t just keep coming back from the dead asking for petty things!