3-Year Old Wakes Up In Coffin At Her Own Funeral

 

Gawker: A three-year-old Filipino girl pronounced dead last week did a strange thing at her funeral ceremony yesterday: she woke up. The Philippine Star reports on the incident, which was publicized after a video of the funeral went viral and confirmed by the local police department: [Police inspector Heidi] Teelan said while they were not the proper authority to confirm the medical case, but based on the accounts of the child’s parents, the 3-year old girl experienced severe fever for days and was brought to the clinic in the town for medical attention last Friday. “During that time, the attending clinic personnel and physician confirmed that the young patient had no more pulse and was clinically dead last Saturday morning about 9 a.m.,” Teelan said. An attendee saw the unnamed girl’s head move while arranging the coffin. Someone then checked the girl’s pulse and found that she was alive. The girl was given water, taken back to a medical clinic for evaluation, and returned to her family home. According to Teelan, the police “can not make confirmation on the status” of the girl, but believe she remains “in a state of comatose” at the house.

Well that was a close one, huh? I guess thankfully they’re not embalming bodies in the Philippines either. Pretty sure this is how superheroes are created–or shit, maybe the villains too.

Little Boy Dies, Comes Back To Life At Funeral, Promptly Dies Again

Daily Mail: A two-year-old Brazilian boy, Kelvin Santos, stopped breathing during a treatment for pneumonia and was declared dead at 7:40pm on Friday. His body was handed over to his family in a plastic bag, and the devastated family took him home where they held a wake for him. Throughout the night the little boy’s body laid in an open coffin, but an hour before his funeral was supposed to take place on Saturday, the boy apparently sat up in his coffin and said: “Daddy, can I have some water?”. Unfortunately the “miracle” was short lived, because shortly after waking, the little boy laid back down, just the way he was. The family could not wake him, and he was dead again. The father rushed his son back to the Aberlardo Santos hospital in Belem, and doctors reexamined the boy, but unfortunately confirmed that he had no signs of life. The family decided to delay the funeral for an hour in the hope that he would wake up again, but ended up burying him at 5pm that day in a local cemetery.

 

You gotta be kidding me with this one! Miracle, shmiracle. How you suppose to bury this kid if he’s gonna snap out of it an hour later asking for milk and cookies? Hey Kelvin, make up your goddamn mind. You can’t just keep coming back from the dead asking for petty things!

The Outlawz Smoked Tupacs Ashes!

 

New York City is notorious (no pun intended) for their weed delivery service. Dealers show up on bikes or cars and always have about 20 different kinds of bud on them. Of course each one has a new, different name that they came up with on their way over. It’s actually fun to hear how creative they can sometimes get. Afghan Cush, AK-47, Northern Lights, Green Crack, Grand Daddy Purp, OG Cush, etc. etc. Now I’m not sure how I would handle the situation if he showed up and said “yo I got that Tupac. No, really it’s fuckin’ Tupac. I got his ashes after they cremated him.” Um, call me crazy but I think I’ll pass on the Tupac this time Jerome. Not really into the whole ‘smoking people’ thing but even if I was, it wouldn’t be Tupac. Bring me some of that Biggie or if you really wanna make some money, get me some of that Snoop once he’s smoked himself dead. And don’t tell me Pac is running through your body my man. Everyone knows it takes a month for that shit to get out of your system.

You know what REALLY shocked me? Was the part where they said “we went down to the beach and did some shit he liked like weed, chicken wings, you know he loved orange soda…” No shit? I actually played a game where I stopped the clip right when he said “we did some shit he liked..” and tried to guess. What would you know I was 3 for 3. Kinda reminded me of the Dave Chappelle skit when he talks about black people being genetically predisposed to like chicken. And all along he thought he liked it just because it was delicious!