3-Year Old Wakes Up In Coffin At Her Own Funeral


Gawker: A three-year-old Filipino girl pronounced dead last week did a strange thing at her funeral ceremony yesterday: she woke up. The Philippine Star reports on the incident, which was publicized after a video of the funeral went viral and confirmed by the local police department: [Police inspector Heidi] Teelan said while they were not the proper authority to confirm the medical case, but based on the accounts of the child’s parents, the 3-year old girl experienced severe fever for days and was brought to the clinic in the town for medical attention last Friday. “During that time, the attending clinic personnel and physician confirmed that the young patient had no more pulse and was clinically dead last Saturday morning about 9 a.m.,” Teelan said. An attendee saw the unnamed girl’s head move while arranging the coffin. Someone then checked the girl’s pulse and found that she was alive. The girl was given water, taken back to a medical clinic for evaluation, and returned to her family home. According to Teelan, the police “can not make confirmation on the status” of the girl, but believe she remains “in a state of comatose” at the house.

Well that was a close one, huh? I guess thankfully they’re not embalming bodies in the Philippines either. Pretty sure this is how superheroes are created–or shit, maybe the villains too.

Out Of Control Kid Tells Woman To ‘Kiss My Feet’ On The Train


Reason #3,241 NOT to have kids. I don’t know if this woman is his mother or not but I’m blaming her for this shit. Kid needs to be cracked in the face for this behavior. Nothing wrong with flexing a little muscle every now and then. Even the guy off camera knew the kid must be on some kind of meds. And if he really did take his medication today, then I think we need to up the dosage, stat!



Douche Bag Reporter Forces Kid To Give Greatest Reaction Ever


So this was my face while watching that horrendous officiating during the Atlanta/Denver game last night. 4 hour football game that highlighted more flags and booth reviews than all of Sunday combined. Never good when the refs are huddled longer than the players on the field, just to walk the ball 5 yards down. Don’t blame Michael Turner one bit for going to a bar right afterwards and getting sloshed. Hey Roger Goodell, figure it out!

Swearing Lacrosse Baby Is Like Looking In A Mirror For Me


I’ll never forget it. Got home from kindergarten and Asian Chris (even at 6 years old that’s how I identified him since we had so many Chris’ in the class) wouldn’t give me his extra chocolate chip cookie I wanted so bad. Walked around the house for an hour screaming ‘goddamn it!’ May or may not have punched a window out bare knuckled. Either way, if this kid is on the same path he’s gonna have issues when he gets older. Godspeed, my son!

Even More Bizarre Pictures Of Bieber’s Baby Mama

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Holy shit Biebs! What kind of cluster fuck did you get yourself into? Your girlfriend left you, you hooked up with a subway creature and now you might have a kid on the way at age 17. I want to sit here and hope you had just finished smoking salvia with Miley Cyrus when you met this chick but a part of me is just saying that’s not the case. I’m confident even I couldn’t do this bad on my drunkest night. Please come up with some elaborate story to back these allegations up ASAP or give her hush money! I want this girl out of the news and I never want to hear about her again.


UPDATE: Apparently Biebs is still with his girl, he’s going to take a DNA test to prove this bitch wrong, and this psycho who claims Biebs knocked her up has pulled this stunt with her ex so clearly she’s looking for money and attention. Fuckin’ chicks man…