Posts Tagged ‘Houston’

 

O.M.G! Probably could’ve done without one of those this morning but I guess that’s now in every females vocabulary these days. Love how cool this construction worker plays it the entire time. Like yea, he knows the apartment is going up like it’s made of hay but there’s a ton of people watching from the adjacent building. Gotta Bruce Willis his way out of this one.

Side note: That swing onto the next level balcony was nuts. I might have taken my chances with the fire.

 

Everything is bigger in Texas is an understatement and in honor of the NFL Draft right around the corner, we introduce Jessica Kylie. Jess is a HUGE Texans fan and helping us get over the hump today. Happy Hump Day!

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‘Kapooya’ Lady Will Go Viral By The End Of The Day

Posted: March 21, 2013 by subwaycreatures in Funny
Tags: , , , , ,

 

Why are ghetto black people the best storytellers of all time? Is it the enthusiasm? Is it the dramatic reenactments? Is it the extra words they throw in that I have no idea the meaning of? Whatever it is, they should always be the first person a reporter goes to when there’s a story to cover. It could be something as boring as insider trading on Wall St. and I’m 100% sure they could turn it into the greatest story ever.

 

I want more of this–no, no, no! I NEED more of this like Peaches needs a math class! While everyone sits there and watches D-List celebrities dive into a pool, I’d watch these hookers give interviews any day. We got Brother Mouzone from The Wire interviewing this slut about her daily life and let’s just recap some of the priceless responses:

-We’ve had some girls raped out here and by the grace of God I haven’t been a victim…yet.

-I had a $20 jackoff…he’s fairly quick…

-if it’s hot as hell out here, you’ll get the special which is 20 for head (I catch no mess), or you get 30 for sex only, or 40 for both.

-Me at 31, been doing this since I was about 13. So we lookin’ at what, 25-26 years?

WFAA:

“Distraught over the loss of her grandfather and her parents’ divorce,” 14-year-old Jakadrien Turner ran away from home, WFAA Dallas reports. Arrested for shoplifting in Houston, she used a fake name that actually belonged to a 22-year-old undocumented immigrant wanted for arrest. What follows is a nightmarish series of mistaken identities and institutional failures, culminating in a teen girl trapped alone and pregnant in a third-world prison. ICE [U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement] officials stepped in… took the girl’s fingerprints, but somehow didn’t confirm her identity and deported her to Colombia, where the Colombian government gave her a work card and released her. Jakadrien, who is African-American, does not know Spanish. She had no known ties to Colombia. After months of searching, Jakadrien’s grandmother tracked the missing teen down on Facebook, discovering her in Bogota with an apparent job as a maid. But that was a month ago, and the Colombian government now has her in a locked detention facility and won’t release her, despite her family’s request. ICE says it is “investigating,” and “also noted there have been instances where ICE has seen cases of individuals providing inaccurate information regarding who they are and their immigration status for ulterior motives.”

 

Talk about the snowball effect! You run away from home, get caught stealing, get deported to Colombia (out of all places), and now you’re knocked up in a foreign prison. The Hollywood script has to already have been started on this one so call up Denzel cause I’m smelling Oscars. I mean I haven’t heard of this kind of luck since the guy who was struck by lightning for the 6th time last summer. What are the chances she uses a fake name of a girl around the same age who is an undocumented immigrant wanted for arrest from Colombia?! Either way, I feel for ya Jakadrien and hopefully you learned to pick an American name next time you run into the law.