Tom Brady Manages To Make Uggs Look Gayer Than They Actaully Are

Congratulations Tom Brady! Somehow you’ve taken something gay and have made it even gayer. No rap music or awesome camera angles could even come close to saving you in this new commercial. Osama bin Laden’s friend who ratted on him didn’t even sell out as bad as you! I’m talking about the hair, the public appearances, the fashion shows, etc. Your smoking hot wife owns every aspect of your life and I’d be surprised if she doesn’t sit in the box during your games with a headset on calling plays. I remember watching the story of how you came up through Michigan and started crying about where you got drafted. No one died and you didn’t get a career ending injury, you were crying about where you got drafted! I remember when I cried in 2nd grade because I didn’t get to play on my friends soccer team and I got slapped in the face and told ‘grow up.’ Look at me now, struggling to get by in NYC but at least I’m not crying on national TV like a bitch. I hope the Dolphins destroy your reconstructed knee on Monday and Gisele has to push you around in a wheelchair.