Patriots Get ‘Decapitated’ And Christ Does It Feel Good!


Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!

We’re ‘Going To The Mother Fu*king Super Bowl’!!!


Steve Weatherford said it best and FOX did a great job of playing it in slow-mo so the world could understand. I’M GOING TO THE MOTHER FUCKING SUPER BOWL! It was hard to sleep last night with my anxiety through the roof but I’ll take that outcome any day. I don’t even remember how many times I said ‘this is the game right here’ and I probably lost a few years off my life from the stress. The 49ers put up a hard fight but nothing can stop this run the GMen are on right now. Defense and special teams came up big and Eli had another amazing game. Here’s my wish list for the Super Bowl tho:

– Offensive line: You have the best QB in football right now and you can’t protect him. Eli can only take so many hits before he breaks a rib or separates a shoulder. Fix it!

– Defensive line: Yes, you had a couple sacks but Alex Smith had all day in the pocket. Put more pressure on the QB because Brady will make us pay if you don’t. Fix it!

– Secondary: You let Vernon Davis behind you TWICE for TDs. Pats have 2 Tight ends who could be even more dangerous. If you get outrun by a tight end, get off the field. Fix it!

As for New England and Tom Brady, it’s going to be so sweet beating you in the Super Bowl again. Please give another press conference like this you cocky son of a bitch.

Another ‘Drags Vent Session’


It’s been a rough few days for Drags as his beloved Yankees faltered in game 5 at home against the Detroit Tigers. He sent me an email asking to vent on a public forum so i reposted his email. The Monday morning sun rises with more disappointment as Drags’s home town Jets have now fallen to 2-3 and they still can’t figure out the right chemistry to get things going. Drags asked me to repost another email this morning that I’m pretty sure he wrote while also staring at a loaded revolver sitting in his lap. Anyway I digress…


By Chris Drags

Where, o’ where, have the New York Jets gone? Oh where, o’ where have they gone?  Forget the 8 three-and-outs. Forget the continued lack of “ground-and-pound.” Forget Sanchez throwing for 30 more yards than Green-Ellis ran for. Forget  that the Jet’s best offensive weapon was Joe McKnight! And forget letting Benjarvis Green-Ellis (not Tom Brady!) march down the field eating up seven minutes of clock on the self proclaimed “#1” defense with the Jets only down 6 in a must stop situation.  The real problem with the Jets?  Attitude.

Where is the team with the chip on their shoulder? Where’s the team that stands on the line looking like thugs with swagger?  Where’s the confidence? Where the fuck are the bullies!  Do the Jets only perform well when they’re told they won’t win?  Four washed up ex-hall of Fame players with too many head hits predict your team to actually, maybe, follow through on your “Super-bowl” predictions during a morning football program on CBS and you assume it’s just going to happen??

Remember back less than a year ago to the playoff game in Foxborough; the Jets were mad.  Bart Scott, as we all know now, felt disrespected.  They were tough, and played rough, pushed over the Patriots who blew them out only a month earlier.  They looked like the Jets….and that was the last time.  They were told all season long they weren’t going to do it, and once they beat the Pats, were told they had a reasonable chance…and then lost to the Steelers by laying down in the first half.  If the Jets need to be told that they can’t do it, that they aren’t good enough and that they are the underdogs to play well, then congratulations Jets, here it comes: you guys suck!  You’ve been bullied all year long.  You had glimmers against Dallas but still SHOULD have lost if not for Saint Romo passing out wins to the needy.  You blew out Jacksonville, but a Texas high school team could do that.  Then Oakland, Baltimore and New England put you in your place by kicking you in the face.

The worst part? After last night’s loss the Jets were not pissed about what happened, not pissed that they now have a losing record and just handed the Pats the keys to the AFC East, no, they were talking (in the locker room) about all the good things that they did do; which I’m still trying to figure out…held Welker to 124 yards maybe?  The Pats, the team in first, was angry after the win (!) because they thought they could have played better. I know Shawn Ellis is over there, but it sure looks like the mentalities are reversed.

The Jets have a long week off before a Monday night showdown against the Jet-killing Miami Dolphins, then they get the Chargers and a bye.  All we can hope for is that they watch PTI and see themselves get ripped a new one, because right now, Jets, you guys suck. Now use this motivation to fucking win!!



Tom Brady Manages To Make Uggs Look Gayer Than They Actaully Are


Congratulations Tom Brady! Somehow you’ve taken something gay and have made it even gayer. No rap music or awesome camera angles could even come close to saving you in this new commercial. Osama bin Laden’s friend who ratted on him didn’t even sell out as bad as you! I’m talking about the hair, the public appearances, the fashion shows, etc. Your smoking hot wife owns every aspect of your life and I’d be surprised if she doesn’t sit in the box during your games with a headset on calling plays. I remember watching the story of how you came up through Michigan and started crying about where you got drafted. No one died and you didn’t get a career ending injury, you were crying about where you got drafted! I remember when I cried in 2nd grade because I didn’t get to play on my friends soccer team and I got slapped in the face and told ‘grow up.’ Look at me now, struggling to get by in NYC but at least I’m not crying on national TV like a bitch. I hope the Dolphins destroy your reconstructed knee on Monday and Gisele has to push you around in a wheelchair.

JETS Win The Snoopy, But Probably Nothing Else This Year

Jesus Rex, can you tone down that smile a bit? So you won some award that was made up by your stadium’s new investor by beating the New York Giants, in what had to be the worst preseason game of the NFL season so far. Big Friggin’ Deal.

Didn’t your players just brag about how they are going to be scoring 28-30 points a game against their opponents this year, only to barely score 7 points while racking up only 113 in a littler over a half of play?  That’s should be making the coaches quoting Charlie Brown ‘Good Grief’ rather then sporting their pearly whites holding this piece of scrap metal.

You know who the real winner of this game was? The New England Patriots.  Because now the media can once again be on Tom Brady’s nuts on how they are going to win the AFC East again this year, since the only real competition isn’t exactly scaring anyone yet (offensively at least).

My early season prediction?  The Jets sneak into the playoffs as a wild-card team, only to lose once again at Pittsburgh.
On a side note, too bad this wasn’t the Garfield award, imagine all the funny jokes that could have been with that one.