Patriots Get ‘Decapitated’ And Christ Does It Feel Good!

 

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!

Super Bowl Weekend Is Here And I’m So Excited I’m About To Shit My Pants

 

It’s been 2 long weeks, tons of Patriot shit talking, and 50 Giant song remixes later but Super Bowl weekend has finally reared it’s fuckin head. Never in my life have I wished a Friday to be a Sunday more than right now. I’m so pumped for this game that I actually feel bad for the people I’ll be around this weekend because it’s probably the only thing I’ll be talking about. Giants go in as a 3 point underdog which is exactly where they want to be. Yea, they might have cooled off a little bit after being on fire for the last 4 weeks but even after a cool down they are better than the Pats.  Everyone outside New England including every animal that would be on Noah’s Ark that are predicting a Giants win this Sunday. Yea I sound cocky but haven’t the Giants given every NY fan a right to be? Hardest schedule in the NFL and they are playing in the Super Bowl? If you need me, I’ll be setting up camp in the Canyon of Heroes for a great spot to watch Eli carry the Lombardi Trophy down to Gracie Manor. I said it last time and I’ll say it again…all in? I’m fuckin’ balls deep!

By the way, this never gets old…

 

Let’s Watch Rob Gronkowski’s Teammates Try To Impersonate Him

 

Wow, how hard is it to impersonate Rob Gronkowski and everyone seems to have a tough time doing it. Just act like every other meathead retard who doesn’t have a brain and you’ve nailed it. Even talking like Keanu Reeves in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure wouldn’t be far off.

What personality this team has! They’ve clearly been hanging out with Coach Belichick too long. The one guy drops a football and says that’s my impression of Gronk scoring a TD. Yea, thanks for coming pal.

Side note: Pretty sure this guy said “yo soy fiesta! Steroids!” Interesting…

 

Bloomberg Bets The House With Boston Mayor On Super Bowl Outcome

NYPost: With the Super Bowl less than a week away, Mayor Bloomberg and Boston Mayor Thomas Menino announced a friendly wager today on who would win the big game between Big Blue and the New England Patriots.

If the Giants win, a New York family will win a Super Tour of Boston. They will receive:

— Four tickets on JetBlue — A two-night stay at the Ritz Carlton — Dinner for four at Legal Seafoods Harborside — Dinner for four at the Top of the Hub restaurant — Four tickets to a performance at the Citi Performing Arts Center — Four box seats at a Bruins or Celtics game at the TD Garden  — A behind-the-scenes-tour of the newly expanded Isabella Stewart Gardner museum — A Duck Tour ride — A VIP tour of the personal diaries of John Adams, which inspired the HBO series, at the Boston Public Library. — A VIP tour of the Samuel Adams Brewery in Jamaica Plain — A photo with Menino

If the Patriots win, one Boston family will win a Super Tour of New York City. They will receive:

— Four tickets on the Delta Shuttle — A two-night stay at the Grand Hyatt — Dinner for four at the newly reopened Russian Tea Room — Lunch or dinner for four at B. Smith’s restaurant — Four club seats at a Rangers or Knicks game — Four tickets to the Phantom of the Opera — A ride with the captain on Statue Cruises to Liberty and Ellis Islands with a VIP tour of the Statue of Liberty crown and museum, including lunch — A VIP tour of the new American wing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art — A VIP tour of the Brooklyn Brewery — A photo with Bloomberg

The winners will be chosen through an online lottery system. More information about how to enter will be available from the losing city after the Super Bowl. “New York sports teams have a history of cleaning up when they go to Boston – and now our fans will have a chance to do the same,” said Bloomberg, who will attend the game in Indianapolis. “Any New Yorker not too tired from salsa dancing Sunday night will be able to enter an online lottery for the chance to win.”

“I have a lot of faith in the Patriots. They carried us this far, and I hope they’ll carry the Vince Lombardi Trophy right back to Boston,” added Menino. “But either on the field or off, the City of Boston wins by being able to showcase some of the best our great city has to offer.”

 

Listen to our goddamn mayor! Just beating his dick and letting it spray all over Boston. ‘Any New Yorker not too tired from salsa dancing Sunday night will be able to enter an online lottery for the chance to win.’ Just as confident as the Giants are right now and I love it! We already have Giants flags flying on the trolleys in San Fran and now we’re gonna have Giants fans roaming the streets of downtown Boston in Manning jerseys acting like they give a fuck they are there. Bring on the Pats!

Question Of The Day: How Would You Rather Your Season End?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing has more of an alone feeling than losing the AFC/NFC Championship for your team. I wonder if after the night game, Billy Cundiff called up Kyle Williams to meet up and commit group suicide. So if you HAD to be on one of these teams, which one would it be?  The Ravens who missed a chip shot field goal to send the Patriots to the Super Bowl or the 49ers who muffed a punt and then fumbled to send the Giants to the Super Bowl? Personally, I have to go with the Ravens here simply on the fact that the field goal was not for the win but only to send the game to OT. Plus Cundiff only fucked up once and since the AFC is such a joke, he’ll probably be back in the same game next year. Kyle Williams screwed up twice and the 49ers will probably not make it to the finals for another decade. I was debating on also throwing ‘member of Harbaugh family’ in there but I felt like it isn’t even close to how these stooges feel.

 

We’re ‘Going To The Mother Fu*king Super Bowl’!!!

 

Steve Weatherford said it best and FOX did a great job of playing it in slow-mo so the world could understand. I’M GOING TO THE MOTHER FUCKING SUPER BOWL! It was hard to sleep last night with my anxiety through the roof but I’ll take that outcome any day. I don’t even remember how many times I said ‘this is the game right here’ and I probably lost a few years off my life from the stress. The 49ers put up a hard fight but nothing can stop this run the GMen are on right now. Defense and special teams came up big and Eli had another amazing game. Here’s my wish list for the Super Bowl tho:

– Offensive line: You have the best QB in football right now and you can’t protect him. Eli can only take so many hits before he breaks a rib or separates a shoulder. Fix it!

– Defensive line: Yes, you had a couple sacks but Alex Smith had all day in the pocket. Put more pressure on the QB because Brady will make us pay if you don’t. Fix it!

– Secondary: You let Vernon Davis behind you TWICE for TDs. Pats have 2 Tight ends who could be even more dangerous. If you get outrun by a tight end, get off the field. Fix it!

As for New England and Tom Brady, it’s going to be so sweet beating you in the Super Bowl again. Please give another press conference like this you cocky son of a bitch.