Tag: Eli Manning

Patriots Get ‘Decapitated’ And Christ Does It Feel Good!

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Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!

We’re ‘Going To The Mother Fu*king Super Bowl’!!!

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Steve Weatherford said it best and FOX did a great job of playing it in slow-mo so the world could understand. I’M GOING TO THE MOTHER FUCKING SUPER BOWL! It was hard to sleep last night with my anxiety through the roof but I’ll take that outcome any day. I don’t even remember how many times I said ‘this is the game right here’ and I probably lost a few years off my life from the stress. The 49ers put up a hard fight but nothing can stop this run the GMen are on right now. Defense and special teams came up big and Eli had another amazing game. Here’s my wish list for the Super Bowl tho:

– Offensive line: You have the best QB in football right now and you can’t protect him. Eli can only take so many hits before he breaks a rib or separates a shoulder. Fix it!

– Defensive line: Yes, you had a couple sacks but Alex Smith had all day in the pocket. Put more pressure on the QB because Brady will make us pay if you don’t. Fix it!

– Secondary: You let Vernon Davis behind you TWICE for TDs. Pats have 2 Tight ends who could be even more dangerous. If you get outrun by a tight end, get off the field. Fix it!

As for New England and Tom Brady, it’s going to be so sweet beating you in the Super Bowl again. Please give another press conference like this you cocky son of a bitch.

We’re Goin’, Goin’ Back, Back To Cali, Cali!

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I have goddamn goosebumps right now and I’m so jacked up that I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself until game time! The Giants are storming into one of the most flaming/hippie cities in the country so I’ll say figuratively they will be bending the 49ers over and having their way with them on Sunday. Revenge was sweet last week but it was only half of what the they needed to get out of their system. The 49ers get 1 miracle catch every 15 years and unfortunately for them, they used theirs last week. I 100% expect Vernon Davis to walk off the field crying in back to back weeks but not because he made the game winning catch this time. Because the Giants embarrassed his team at home to go to the Super Bowl. All in? I’m fuckin’ balls deep! Let’s go BigBlue!

Green Bay Must Be Shitting Themselves Right Now

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The defense pitched a shutout, two huge 4th down stops, Hakeem Nicks dirty birding all over the place, Eli showing why he’s a top QB in the NFL, Jacobs running people over like a MAC truck. I mean if you’re the Packers you have to be scared as all fuck right now, right? The Giants already showed that they can keep up with the Pack and go into Green Bay peaking on all cylinders. I hope Tom Coughlin’s face doesn’t freeze off again cause it’s gonna be a cold one! On to Wisconsin!

By the way, my cousin gave up his ticket to the game and this was him from 1:00 to 4:00 on playoff Sunday. One late Saturday night and the kid can’t hang. Unbelievable.

 

Bring On Atlanta!

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Is anyone hotter than Victor Cruz right now? I mean the guy only led the NFL in receiving yards this year and didn’t even play a full season! Even NBC had salsa music cued and ready to go when he scored his touchdown. Yes, the Giants fell asleep for a quarter and a half last night but thankfully it didn’t affect the outcome of the game. The defense stepped up big, Eli looked like a top 5 quarterback, and we have home field advantage for the first round of the playoffs. Tony Romo should probably consider retirement and Jason Garrett should be fired. I was at the game last night sitting directly under Jerry Jones’ box and it was the greatest feeling in the world to wave goodbye when the clock hit 0:00. 2012 couldn’t have started any better and bring on the Atlanta Fairies!

 

Giants/Jets Outlook: Week 6

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I still can’t get over how that game ended last week. I was positive we had the game locked in the last 2 minutes. In the red zone, gonna take the lead, let the defense seal the game. No! Eli throws to Cruz who slips on his route and pick-6 city. Just sitting on my uncomfortable-as-fuck futon in shock but that’s Giants Football for ya. This week the G-Men are home against a surprising Bills team. Lock down Stevie Johnson, blitz the shit outta Ryan Fitzpatrick, game over. MillerTime is a huge Bills fans so it will be fun to rub it in his face at 4:15. No way will the Bills be 5-1 after this week even though I said that last week about the Seahawks. Mistakes were made and they won’t this week. I’m taking Giants -3 but I like the under at 50.

213 Buffalo Bills +3  +105 +160
50 O -110
U -110
23½ O -115
U -115
214 New York Giants -3  -125 -190
27 O -110
U -120
Week 6
After making some changes at wide receiver the Jets might have actually upgraded their offense. Giving this kid Kerley a chance to play might be beneficial for the struggling Jets. They also get to play a winless Miami team whose star wide receiver already is predicting to get thrown out of the game in the second quarter on Monday night. If the Jets can’t win on Monday against a team that is clearly crumbling and has no quarterback then let the Just End The Season talks begin. Jets take this game -7 with the over at 42.
225 Miami Dolphins +7  -110 +250
42½ O -110
U -110
17½ O -120
U -110
226 New York Jets -7  -110 -300
24½ O -120
U -110
ESPNWeek 6