Posts Tagged ‘new york’

 

Does this 1:39 video not sum up a professional football franchise with the worst management in the game or what?! For anyone who watched the ESPN 30 For 30 Elway to Marino the other night, you painfully saw the Jets select Ken O’Brien over Dan Marino in the 1983 draft. In 2008 we watched them pick Vernon Gholston with the 6th overall pick. I could only imagine what Jets fans are thinking today with their team having TWO high picks in the first round. Will new management bring new hope to NY? Will they actually draft positions they need this year? Or will Idzik hit the ‘simulate draft’ button on his controller and go back to sleep?

With the 9th overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select the backup punter from East Carolina University

With the 13th overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select Matt Barkley, USC

By the way, this guy is my all time favorite. Obviously the Jets know something that the people up here don’t…said no Jets fans ever.

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As I watched this I began to think, now which guy is crazier–the one clearly off his meds or the cameraman who’s blatantly got a camera in Honky Man’s face? Then I realized that there were two kinds of crazy occupying the same space. The guy sitting down is psycho crazy and the cameraman is ‘I don’t care if I die today’ crazy. Also, when will black people realize that yelling racial obscenities towards white people is completely pointless. Louis CK stated it best:

 

Boredom

 

Gawker: Amanda Bynes “I Want Drake To Murder My Vagina”

Buzzfeed: The 19 Drunkest People Of All Time

Guyism: NYC To Replace Subway Maps With Giant iPads

Barstool: Lawyer Wants Punxsutawny Phil Sentenced To Death Because He Keeps Fucking Up

TheChive: Youtube Comments Are Usually Better Than The Videos

Huff Post: Vocal Coach Uses Sex Toys To Help Singers Reach Higher Octaves

DailyMail: 42-Year Old Cheerleader/Model Fondles 12-Year Old Boy Thinking He Was A ‘Little Man’

Egotastic!: SueLyn Medeiros T&A Vacation Looked Awesome

Hypervocal: Epic Karate Knockout

WorldWideInterweb: The 50 Funniest TV News Captions

COEDMagazine: The 9 Dumbest Crimes Committed By Athletes

EliteDaily: The 20 Life Lessons New York Has Taught us

poop subway CSC

Gawker: This is a weird one. A man was killed Tuesday afternoon after he fell from a moving subway train onto the tracks. But how did he fall, you ask? He was shitting between cars, as one does, when he apparently slipped, plunging to one of the more shameful deaths imaginable. Tragic and terrifying, although perhaps less so – if only because of the pooping — than two other recent subway deaths. Making things somewhat confusing, there was apparently a separate incident at the same subway station just before the fatal accident. According to the NYPD, a bloody man with a broken pelvis and “severe buttocks injuries” was found on the opposite platform after he mysteriously emerged from the tracks. The man, who police identified as Manuce Dulcio, didn’t know how he got there or what had happened to him, although police noted he was very drunk. Police initially said the two men had been fighting, although that turned out to be false. Instead, it was just your standard death-by-pooping/mysterious-drunken-injury incident, which is all too common these days.

 

Shitting between subway cars, huh? Kind of ironic that this guy had too much pride to do what all the other hobos do and shit his pants IN the subway car, yet dies covered in shit with his pants around his ankles. Yea he put a lot on the line, like his life, but sometimes a man’s dignity outweighs all consequence. Dude was probably reading about Carmelo Anthony and Honey Nut Cheerio-gate in AM New York when the 6 train took a sudden turn for the worst. Speaking of nuts, the fact that this is the 4th insane death in the subway in less than 30 days makes me feel like I should start rollerblading to work. Yea right, rollerblades are gay!

Side note: FYI – I seriously own a pair of rollerblades

 

How much does this NYC hawk just not give a fuck? I mean he’s worse than the homeless people pissing in broad daylight in front of MSG. Such a typical New Yorker. Yea I’m eating a kitten-sized rat on the top of your car and what you gonna do about it?! Fuck off! If this was my car I would think this was awesome for about 2 minutes before I realized that once all of this is over I now have NYC rat guts all over my windshield.

By the way, it was reported that the hawk died shortly later that day of AIDS contracted from the rat.

 

Well, that Escalade-d quickly. Get it? See what I did there? Ah man, it’s been a long weekend but definitely longer for this guy who became part of a NYC street Friday night. Kind of hard to follow what’s going on in the whole melee but to drive up on the sidewalk and ruin your expensive Cadillac truck, then run someone over is bat shit crazy.


WARNING: TURN DOWN VOLUME!

When you troll as hard as this sidewalk sleeper, I would consider getting knocked out a moral victory. If that’s the least that happened to him screaming the N word in a black guy’s face on the subway in Queens, then he should count his blessings. He’ll still wake up homeless but he’ll still be alive. On second thought maybe a quick death was what he was going for.

It’s Hump Day…So Get Over It!

Posted: August 29, 2012 by subwaycreatures in hump day, Sexy
Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

Irina Shayk helping us get over the hump! Happy Hump Day!

 

Someone shoulda checked Al Roker’s batteries prior to him going on air. Like a Zach Morris TIMEOUT, Roker froze in spot but the only problem is that no one else got the memo.

While many New York fans just turned and watched him leave when Brandon Jacobs was released by the Giants and signed by the San Francisco 49ers in March, one 6-year-old tried to take matters into his own hands by sending the running back a chunk straight from his own life savings. The Giants chose to let Jacobs hit the free-agent market instead of paying him a $500,000 roster bonus and $4.4 million in salary this season, and drafted running back David Wilson in the first round of the draft. However, Jacobs clearly still has support in New York, as young Joe emptied his own pockets for the man. This kid definitely deserves some love from Jacobs, and the Giants’ October 14 visit to San Francisco may be a good time to return the money.

 

While some of you might think this is cute, let’s look at the big picture here. The kid will not only get his money back ($3.36 what kind of slave allowance is he on?) from his parents, but most likely get a surprise visit from an NFL player. And if he doesn’t bust a 6-year old nut over that, I’m sure Jacobs will bring signed swag with him to cap it off. Now as a fellow Giants fan, I’d like to ask little Joey WTF ARE YOU THINKING so I wrote my own note back to him:

Dear kid,

I don’t know what you were watching on Sundays this past football season but there’s no way it was Brandon Jacobs mowing people down like a John Deere because he was on the sidelines for most of the offensive plays. The man has cinder blocks for feet and clearly needs a compass to understand what north/south means. While your $3.36 might not even be enough to pay for the stamp required to send your own letter, I’m sure Brandon was glad to accept it and spent it less than an hour later at some dumpy strip club outside San Fran. You’ll probably never know about strip clubs since you give all your money away to athletes on the decline but that’s why I’m writing to you. Since your father doesn’t have the common decency to explain salary caps and free agency to you, let me just put this simple. Don’t question the Giants management. They’ve won 2 Super Bowls in the last 5 years and every year have one of the best drafts in the league. They have the hardest schedule in football every year and somehow seem to squeeze through to the playoffs. Have some goddamn faith!

Sincerely,

Rick

P.S. As long as you’re handing out money, I’m living on a tight budget in NYC. Send me whatever you got! Thanks pal!