Gawker: This is a weird one. A man was killed Tuesday afternoon after he fell from a moving subway train onto the tracks. But how did he fall, you ask? He was shitting between cars, as one does, when he apparently slipped, plunging to one of the more shameful deaths imaginable. Tragic and terrifying, although perhaps less so – if only because of the pooping — than two other recent subway deaths. Making things somewhat confusing, there was apparently a separate incident at the same subway station just before the fatal accident. According to the NYPD, a bloody man with a broken pelvis and “severe buttocks injuries” was found on the opposite platform after he mysteriously emerged from the tracks. The man, who police identified as Manuce Dulcio, didn’t know how he got there or what had happened to him, although police noted he was very drunk. Police initially said the two men had been fighting, although that turned out to be false. Instead, it was just your standard death-by-pooping/mysterious-drunken-injury incident, which is all too common these days.
Shitting between subway cars, huh? Kind of ironic that this guy had too much pride to do what all the other hobos do and shit his pants IN the subway car, yet dies covered in shit with his pants around his ankles. Yea he put a lot on the line, like his life, but sometimes a man’s dignity outweighs all consequence. Dude was probably reading about Carmelo Anthony and Honey Nut Cheerio-gate in AM New York when the 6 train took a sudden turn for the worst. Speaking of nuts, the fact that this is the 4th insane death in the subway in less than 30 days makes me feel like I should start rollerblading to work. Yea right, rollerblades are gay!
Side note: FYI – I seriously own a pair of rollerblades