FACT: Man Dies In NYC Subway After Falling Between Cars While Shitting

poop subway CSC

Gawker: This is a weird one. A man was killed Tuesday afternoon after he fell from a moving subway train onto the tracks. But how did he fall, you ask? He was shitting between cars, as one does, when he apparently slipped, plunging to one of the more shameful deaths imaginable. Tragic and terrifying, although perhaps less so – if only because of the pooping — than two other recent subway deaths. Making things somewhat confusing, there was apparently a separate incident at the same subway station just before the fatal accident. According to the NYPD, a bloody man with a broken pelvis and “severe buttocks injuries” was found on the opposite platform after he mysteriously emerged from the tracks. The man, who police identified as Manuce Dulcio, didn’t know how he got there or what had happened to him, although police noted he was very drunk. Police initially said the two men had been fighting, although that turned out to be false. Instead, it was just your standard death-by-pooping/mysterious-drunken-injury incident, which is all too common these days.

 

Shitting between subway cars, huh? Kind of ironic that this guy had too much pride to do what all the other hobos do and shit his pants IN the subway car, yet dies covered in shit with his pants around his ankles. Yea he put a lot on the line, like his life, but sometimes a man’s dignity outweighs all consequence. Dude was probably reading about Carmelo Anthony and Honey Nut Cheerio-gate in AM New York when the 6 train took a sudden turn for the worst. Speaking of nuts, the fact that this is the 4th insane death in the subway in less than 30 days makes me feel like I should start rollerblading to work. Yea right, rollerblades are gay!

Side note: FYI – I seriously own a pair of rollerblades

Elephant Flings Shit At Zoo Goer

 

What a fuckin’ diva Babar is! Oh you don’t want your picture taken so you fling your own shit at people taking your picture? I don’t know if you noticed but there’s literally 3 people there to see you. You’re not the big deal everyone came to the zoo to see. Everyone knows people go to the zoo to see the gorillas and lions…the real animals. Enjoy smelling the shit on the end of your nose for the rest of the day!

Side note: Do you think anyone in this guy’s family believed him when he met back up and explains that an elephant personally chose him to be it’s Jackson Pollock canvas?