Massive Boa Constrictor On The Loose In NJ Lake

 

Wildlife aside, lakes gross me out in the first place. Between the shit you find at the bottom mixed with the murky, shitty water you just never know what you’re going to come across. Now I guess we can add 20 foot snakes that have the potential to eat your children to that list. I’ve seen all the ‘Anaconda’ movies and I know how this plays out. If I’m a Lake Hopatcong resident I’m going on an extensive vacation til this thing is killed by J-Lo and Ice Cube.

 

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Ever Watch A Concert From An Alcohol Loaded Blimp? Want To?

Craigslist: We rented a blimp for the show, holds 10 people and pilot, we got 7, 3 backed out, $300 per person. Blimp loads at 6pm in Jersey City near Pavonia. Will hover at 1000-1500 feet for duration of show. Loaded with a keg and munchies. Pilot will not be drinking of course. The windows open and will be the best seats in the house. Please note this blimp doesn’t have a bathroom. If you’re going to drink a lot you’ll have to use the “pilots hole” in the back. Pretty cool actually, take a pee right in the river. If you’re a chick you definitely don’t want to drink. Need 3 people, this is a serious post, picture of docked blimp in JC shown below. eMail if interested.

 

Buddy of mine just passed this on to me and apparently it’s a serious Craigslist ad to ride in a blimp just above the Mumford and Sons concert on the Hudson in NJ. Now I don’t know what the FAA regulations are for this type of shit so obviously I had my doubts. But then I thought about it, how many people can say they got fucked up in a blimp right above a huge concert? Fuck it if you can’t actually hear the music. You got a keg and an iPod dock that can blast whatever music you want to listen to. Three seats left…who’s in?

Side note: If you’re going to the concert dress for rain cause it sounds like this huge balloon will be dumping a lot of piss/puke on people down below.

-Thanks to Shumko for this!

Woman With Unfortunate Name Sues NJ Dunkin’ Donuts

 

NJ: A Morris County woman who ran two Dunkin’ Donuts stores in northern New Jersey is suing the coffee-and-donut chain for racial discrimination,according to a report on NYPost.com. Priti Shetty, an Indian-American from Montville, alleges that a Dunkin’ brand rep told her she was not “servile enough” as an Indian woman. Shetty says the company tried to force her to keep her stores in the Oak Ridge section of Jefferson and Wantage open for 24 hours even thought she showed that doing so would be a money loser when expenses where factored in. She also claims that Dunkin Donuts refused to let her open a third store in the Stockholm section of Hardyston as it is required to do in its franchise agreements because she didn’t want to have a drive-in at the location. Shetty alleges a male franchisee was allowed to open a store in that location without a drive-thru window soon after her request, the report said.

 

If you’re Priti’s parents, you have to know that your daughter is going to be doing 1 of 3 things when she grows up. Uttering the phrase ‘thank you, come again’, working in a hospital, or pumping cream into pastries at D&D. Therefore you gotta think ahead when naming your child. Priti’s name will always work against her, especially when she tries to open a new D&D in the middle of nowhere NJ. How are you suppose to take this case serious in court. Judge will be laughing all the way to a defendant ruling. With the way it sounds like her life is going, I hope her parents at least gave her the middle name ‘fuhkin’.

New York/New Jersey Braces Itself For EDC

Remember way back last summer when Hurricane Irene PMS’d her way up the east coast and the whole tri-state area braced itself for a catastrophe? Not sure that will be anything compared to this weekend as every druggie, guido, college kid, club head, hippie, whore, guidette, and piece of Euro-trash from around the world will converge on Electric Daisy Carnival. Starting Friday, the NY/NJ area will see the Perfect Storm of electronic dance music mixed with more drugs than Medellin mixed with the douchiest people to ever walk the Earth. All that being said, I got my tickets…did you?

I better get amazing videos, pictures, and stories from people starting Monday morning! For more info you can check out the event site at http://electricdaisycarnival.com/NewYork/

Multiple Dudes Knocked Out In Grove St. PATH Station

 

Here is the risk of taking the PATH trains home late at night. One minute you’re drinking and having a great time with you’re friends, the next, you’re face up on the platform with a huge black guy saying he’s gonna cram his dick in your mouth. I have no idea what this was all about but I do know that when there is a long platform and it’s this late at night, you take advantage and stay away from everyone else. How jacked up would you be if you’re this black guy though?! You take down two guys in the subway in front of your girl, you get to use one of the greatest lines I’ve ever heard after putting someone on their ass, AND you turn around to see that someone got it all on film. This guy might straight up break his girl’s pussy tonight.

Side note: If you just listen to the audio it sounds like these guys got jacked up by Ice Cube.

Also…this is not at all what I was expecting the dude to be fucking with a huge black guy to look like.

 

Get A Load Of This Drunk Chick On NJ Transit Last Night

 

No, this isn’t a scene from ‘Coming To America’. This was my friends nice, quiet, peaceful ride home from work on the NJ Transit last night. ‘I gotta get the hell off this bus! I gotta get the off this bus! And I’m gonna get off this bus and I’m gonna get me somethin’ to drink’ is exactly what everyone else on the bus is thinking also, I’m sure. I just hate it when I get drunk and think out loud to myself too. It’s got me in so much trouble in the past. ‘What the hell is this girls name? I hope she doesn’t ask me what her name is cause I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I have no fuckin’ clue what it is.’ And that’s usually when I realize I said it out loud. Exit stage left.

Side Note: There’s nothing that scares me more than a drunk black chick because they are the most likely to come at you if you even look at them the wrong way and there is absolutely nothing you can do. It’s like crossing a bridge when a train is coming.

 

-Thanks for the video Wolf

Professor Tells Stuttering Student Not To Talk During Class

Gawker:

Phillip Garber (seen in the video above) is a 16 year-old in New Jersey who’s so smart that he’s already taking classes at a local college. Good for you Phillip! Phillip also stutters. Now that the emotional/ inspirational setup is in place, let’s get to the meat of the madness! The NYT reportsthat Phillip’s college history professor, Elizabeth Snyder, grew so impatient with his stutter that she ordered Phillip not to speak in class, and refused to call on him. As for questions she asks in class, Ms. Snyder suggested, “I believe it would be better for everyone if you kept a sheet of paper on your desk and wrote down the answers.” Later, he said, she told him, “Your speaking is disruptive.” Later Snyder was quoted saying “He misinterpreted this and assumed it had something to do with his stuttering; I interpreted his hand up for 75 minutes as someone unfamiliar with a college lecture format and frankly a little rude,” she said. “In hindsight, I should have stopped my lecture and called on Philip because he had become so fixated on making a statement that it didn’t seem to matter to him that he was interrupting my presentation.”


Jesus Christ was this painful! The video is 11 minutes long and I’m pretty sure the kid said two sentences. I’m 100% against bullying and we’ve all seen what that leads to but come on! The kid is a 16 year old know-it-all, already in college and I’m sure he’s trying to impress the socks off of everyone by answering every goddamn question the professor asks. She’s got 75 minutes to cram as much useless information into those hungover student’s heads. I don’t blame her for that and of course this kid is going to play the stutter card. Hey Phil, it’s not always about you so stop being selfish and think about the other people in the class.