Chris Phillips And His Girlfriend Assault Mother Over Taco Sauce And Salsa

HuffPost: Cops jailed a Florida man and his girlfriend on Monday after the two allegedly attacked his mother because she used his salsa and taco sauce without permission, according to police reports obtained by the Smoking Gun. Christopher Phillips, 23, started arguing with his mom, 55-year-old Rebecca, “because Rebecca used Christopher’s salsa and taco sauce on her dinner,” an officer wrote. The saucy swindle apparently enraged the man — he allegedly put his mother in such a crushing headlock that her glasses broke. Christopher Phillips then went into another room to relay the horrific news to his girlfriend, Lisa Tyre, who then also began yelling at the mother. That argument escalated, leaving Rebecca Phillips with two smacks to the face and a cut lip. When her son wouldn’t let her have the keys to her car to leave, she walked to her husband’s workplace, where they called cops. Christopher Phillips was charged with domestic battery and held on a $750 bond. Tyre was released on her own recognizance the same day she was arrested.

 

So I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Christopher is on the left? Or no, the right? I’m sure the cops asked the same thing when they showed up. OK, so which one of you is Chris?

Are times really that tough that you need to pull a power move like a headlock on your own mother for eating your taco sauce? I mean how hard is it to replace taco sauce and salsa? Imagine if she ate his filet mignon that had been defrosting? Good ol’ Chris would be on death row right now. Nah, just kidding. Something tells me Christopher has never had a nice steak in his life if he’s this bent outta shape about 99 cent taco. Kinda reminds me of the time when my college roommate ate my last Ramen Noodles and I threw his laptop out the window. Seemed like a fair trade at the time.

Patriots Get ‘Decapitated’ And Christ Does It Feel Good!

 

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!