Posts Tagged ‘Brandon Jacobs’

While many New York fans just turned and watched him leave when Brandon Jacobs was released by the Giants and signed by the San Francisco 49ers in March, one 6-year-old tried to take matters into his own hands by sending the running back a chunk straight from his own life savings. The Giants chose to let Jacobs hit the free-agent market instead of paying him a $500,000 roster bonus and $4.4 million in salary this season, and drafted running back David Wilson in the first round of the draft. However, Jacobs clearly still has support in New York, as young Joe emptied his own pockets for the man. This kid definitely deserves some love from Jacobs, and the Giants’ October 14 visit to San Francisco may be a good time to return the money.


While some of you might think this is cute, let’s look at the big picture here. The kid will not only get his money back ($3.36 what kind of slave allowance is he on?) from his parents, but most likely get a surprise visit from an NFL player. And if he doesn’t bust a 6-year old nut over that, I’m sure Jacobs will bring signed swag with him to cap it off. Now as a fellow Giants fan, I’d like to ask little Joey WTF ARE YOU THINKING so I wrote my own note back to him:

Dear kid,

I don’t know what you were watching on Sundays this past football season but there’s no way it was Brandon Jacobs mowing people down like a John Deere because he was on the sidelines for most of the offensive plays. The man has cinder blocks for feet and clearly needs a compass to understand what north/south means. While your $3.36 might not even be enough to pay for the stamp required to send your own letter, I’m sure Brandon was glad to accept it and spent it less than an hour later at some dumpy strip club outside San Fran. You’ll probably never know about strip clubs since you give all your money away to athletes on the decline but that’s why I’m writing to you. Since your father doesn’t have the common decency to explain salary caps and free agency to you, let me just put this simple. Don’t question the Giants management. They’ve won 2 Super Bowls in the last 5 years and every year have one of the best drafts in the league. They have the hardest schedule in football every year and somehow seem to squeeze through to the playoffs. Have some goddamn faith!



P.S. As long as you’re handing out money, I’m living on a tight budget in NYC. Send me whatever you got! Thanks pal!


Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, ate some Wheaties (breakfast of champions), whistled all the way to work, and read in the paper that Gisele divorced Tom after the game last night, only to get turned down by Eli who left her in the dust of his new Corvette. And check out Brandon Jacobs. Trying so goddamn hard not to swear or say the wrong thing on national TV that ‘decapitated’ was the best thing that could come out of his mouth. Yea, the big guy didn’t contribute much but that doesn’t change the fact that he has a ring on his finger.

Highlights of the game. Brady throws first pass away for the 6th ever safety in a Super Bowl. Gronkowski completely useless. Weatherford most pumped up player in the game. Cruz salsa dancing. Welker drops biggest catch of his career. Manningham makes biggest catch of his career. Bradshaw awkwardly squats on goal line. Giants defense keeps Brady in check for most of game. Hail Mary to end game gives America a universal heart attack.

I’m not sure that this game was better than 2008 considering the circumstances but goddamn what a road it was getting there! Ticker Tape parade tomorrow at 11am. See you in the Canyon of Heroes!