Flula, The German Nazi, Doesn’t Understand Football’s Name

Hey Flula, can you’s explains to meh vhy in the German soccer dey fall ven no one evens touches them? Vhy do dey do dis? And den dey roll avound on deh ground like dey’ve been shot by American sniper. Vhy? And vhy can no one score goal in German soccer? I feel like vatching German soccer is 90 minutes of my life I vill never get back. I don’t understand deh name soccer or German football…should be called German Vagineball ifs yous ask meh.