Soccer Coach Wins Dive Of The Year

 

With the World Cup right around the corner and every American about to become the biggest soccer fan of their life, I felt this was only fitting to post. Just look at the delayed reaction–the dramatic fall to the ground. I’ve seen videos of Taliban members getting sniped to the ground less dramatic than this. Isn’t this the point where someone just throws some of that magic spray on his neck and he gets up completely fine?

 

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Side note: Can’t wait to see all of this shit for the next few weeks:

 

 

Bubble Soccer Better Hit The U.S. By This Summer

 

I know I’ve posted something about this game in the past but the fact that there are more and more clips of it make me feel like this is getting closer to the U.S. This NEEDS to happen now! I don’t care about all the insurance formalities, just get me a bunch of these bubble suits and I won’t even need a soccer ball. I just wanna run top speed and superman into someone else.

Side note: Despite playing in a totally protective bubble, how many soccer players do you think would still roll around on the ground and act hurt playing this? All of them?

Another Soccer Goalkeeper Is Hit In The Head With A Firework…New Twist This Time

 

Being a soccer goalkeeper looks about as safe as living in the Gaza Strip these days. Just kidding, soccer players wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a war zone. A bomb would go off 10 miles away and they would all dive to the ground and roll around for an hour grabbing their shins. I mean seriously, talk about a delayed reaction. This guy is standing there for a good 3 seconds after the firework goes off before he grabs his face and falls to the ground like he just got sniped out. Here’s the twist this time though. Since the last firework incident, security has cracked down on what fans bring to these games. So how did they get in then? Well, a female fan loaded up some condoms with fireworks and stuffed them inside her to human mule gunpowder into the stadium. The lengths soccer fans go to support their team is unprecedented.

Goalkeeper Gives Us Classic Dive From Firework Thrown Onto Field During Game

 

A dive for the ages folks! Firework goes off 15 feet away from the goalie and he instantly goes down grabbing his head like an IED just went off and he’s missing half his face. Oh I’m sorry, did that hurt your ears? Funny you can take 80,000 fans screaming and chanting as loud as any other sport but when someone throws a party popper onto the field you need a stretcher and an ENT doctor on spot immediately. It’s always the best when something else happens that makes the player forget about his injury. Guess your hearing isn’t that bad since you clearly heard your teammates say incoming. Unreal how this sport is tolerated.

Soccer Player Almost Loses Hand Throwing Grenade Off Field

 

Come on Iran. You call THAT a grenade? I’ve set off fireworks bigger than that thing. Aren’t grenades suppose to blow people up in like a 20 foot circumference of it? No one barely flinched! I will say, however, soccer would be so much more interesting if IEDs and grenades were used during the game…they might be onto something here.