Bully Takes Baseball Bat To The Head

 

Ding! That sound kinda reminds me of opening day in Little League, right? Like when you get your first hit of the season and the butterflies go away and you know it’s gonna be an all star year at third base. Although in this case Ding! means you’re probably gonna do 2-4 years for assault with a deadly weapon unless you can pull off some miraculous self defense angle. The worst part about it is that after Canseco-ing this kid to the head, he dropped the bat and let the dead kid’s friend tee of on him a couple times. As long as you nailed one, you might as well take’em all down. Especially the cameraman who’s got your whole trial on his iPhone.

Guy Pulls Samurai Sword On Punk Kids On Light Rail

 

Is carrying a samurai sword even street legal? I don’t know what the laws are for that but I can tell you right now that if this geek pulled a 2 1/2 foot sword on my ass I’m walking away too. You know this kid has been waiting for this day to go down his whole life. This was his wet dream come true and even though he came in his pants, he’s forever known as the Light Rail Katana Kid.

Subway Groper Nabbed By Other Riders

 

You’ve hit a new low when you’re groping large women in the subway, get caught by other passengers, and receive an ovation when the police scoop you off the platform. This happens often in the subway and I’m not sure how people actually get away with it.

Side note: I was dying when the lady at the 2:12 mark checks to see if Rico’s greasy hair is real. Hater.

Female Soccer Player Lays Smack Down On Opponent

 

You know what? I really don’t see anything wrong here. I think this is the way soccer should be played! At least the chick wasn’t rolling around on the ground like she just got sniped out by Seal Team 6. I say let’em go and whoever gets their ass beat has to hit the showers and their team is down a player. Soccer needs an adrenaline shot and maybe this is the answer. This also made me think of what Jim Rome would say…

 

Woman Assaults Boyfriend Because McDonalds Wouldn’t Sell Her A Cheeseburger

TSG:

When Shanaya Edgell arrived early yesterday morning at a McDonald’s in Janesville, Wisconsin, she was expecting to order from the fast food joint’s regular menu–Big Macs, french fries, Chicken McNuggets, and the like. Except it was around 3 AM and the restaurant had already switched over to its breakfast menu–hash browns, Egg McMuffins, hotcakes, and the like. This enraged Edgell, according to Janesville Police Department officers, since she wanted a cheeseburger. The 22-year-old–for some unexplained reason–turned on her boyfriend, biting him on the arm and tearing off his shirt. Darrell Page, 40, explained to a cop that Edgell “wanted a burger from McDonald’s,” so they drove to the restaurant–only to discover at the drive-thru window that the eatery “had stopped serving hamburgers and was now only serving breakfast.” Edgell, he added, “got upset because she did not want breakfast and only wanted a cheeseburger.” After driving away, Edgell apparently changed her mind, and directed Page to “return to McDonald’s so that she could get breakfast,” according to a misdemeanor criminal complaint filed in Circuit Court. At this point, Edgell allegedly began striking Page in the face and biting his right arm. Page also told police that when he pulled his car over during the assault, Edgell got out of the vehicle and climbed atop the hood to keep him from leaving. During police questioning, Edgell confirmed that she became “upset” after discovering that McDonald’s had “switched over to the breakfast menu and…she wanted to order food off the regular menu.” She reported “freaking out over this,” adding that Page was trying to calm her down over the matter of the unavailable cheeseburgers. When a cop asked why he had spotted her on the car’s roof, Edgell answered, “because I was acting crazy.” After dismounting from the vehicle, Edgell was collared for disorderly conduct. Pictured in the above mug shot, Edgell is being held in the Rock County jail in lieu of $150 bond. She is scheduled for a court appearance later this afternoon.

Shanaya, I completely understand how you feel. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to McDonald’s looking for breakfast, only to find out that I missed it by 5 minutes and can only get lunch. Or when I go late at night hoping to get 3 McChickens with fries only to be told they are only serving eggs or pancakes. McDonald’s thinks it’s their world and we’re all just living in it. How hard would it be to make anything on your menu 24/7? You microwave the chicken for 30 seconds, put it on a roll with mayo and lettuce and BAM! Done. Same goes for the egg sandwiches. Why in the hell would I go to McDonald’s at 11AM looking for chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger?! Sell breakfast until at least noon and serve lunch/dinner until 4AM and sales will go up and America will be fatter than it already is. Christ, do I need to do everything around here?

Side note: The only thing scarier than the people in McDonald’s at 3AM are the people who aren’t fucked up.

This Is Why I Love NYC

 

So about a year ago I’m walking home from dinner and I see this piece of work on the sidewalk. I stopped for a second and thought to myself if this guy is gonna walk around like this then he deserves to be filmed. It’s not even close to Halloween and this dude is full blown about to walk down down aisle. I pull my camera out and start recording him and I don’t think I even need to say that he was not happy about it. He repeatedly hits me with his purse which I feel only made the clip even better but as he walks away tries to tell me it’s illegal to film him. Ohhhh buddy, you walk around the public streets of NY like that and you better expect somebody to film you. Then some lady behind me says that I was mean to him. Excuse me?! Am I the crazy one here? Never know what you’ll run into in this city and I love it!

Woman Saved When Breast Implant Stops Knife From Reaching Her Heart

From Pravda, the story of a Moscow woman who was stabbed in the heart by her husband, but whose silicone breast implants absorbed the blade, preventing her from dying. Fake tits save lives. Because the implants — inserted five years prior, at the request of the husband — were so large, the knife “did not even reach the thorax.”

 

Well ain’t that a bitch! The very money you spent on your wife’s fake tits comes back to haunt you in the long run. How big were these monsters that the knife couldn’t even reach this chick’s heart? And what must they have felt like?! My advice to this guy? Stab her ANYWHERE else on her body. Why would you go for the one spot that she has the most padding?! I know hindsight is always 20/20 but if you really want your wife dead, I’m just saying plan it out better.