Posts Tagged ‘assault’

And Now For Your WTF Video Of The Week

Posted: August 21, 2014 by subwaycreatures in WTF
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Yep, that’s exactly who you think it is! The Chosen One! Just stood by and watched this park ranger get owned by a couple of skater punks. I was waiting for lightning to come crashing down on those little bastards but no. Nothing. Just a quick beating and they were on their merry way while this guy had to rethink his career. Fuckin’ God and his damn life lessons.

 

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I just watched that correctly, right? Dude just got crushed by a canoe paddle 3 times and just tries to walk it off?? How you gonna go down after that by a lousy push? Regardless, you know the Jim Ross treatment is coming on this one.

 

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As annoying as this bitch was, I’ll give credit where credit is due. This dude’s hand came from the floor to almost decapitate this chick and somehow she got back up after that. Must be the worst feeling in the world for this guy but something tells me it wasn’t his first rodeo. No doubt in my mind if this guy decided last second to close his fist when he swung this girl would be in a coma.

 

‘Merica!

 

More crazy stories here

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! Never understood how risking your life was worth it for a few bucks off a TV or cell phone. Hasn’t anyone heard of Cyber Monday? Don’t even have to get up off the couch let alone fight a mother of 2 for the new iPhone 5. Lately I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Doomsday Preppers’ and I’ve decided I’m going to build a bunker and put a plan together for every Black Friday. Just complete anarchy.

 

Long video, I get it, but millions of questions. Washington has super heroes? There’s a mutual combat law? Police just let you bang out in the street? And what’s up with the name Phoenix Jones? Sounds like a chick who sucks dick for a living on camera. Is this reality?

I’m not gonna lie, if a dude rolled up on me wearing a super hero costume, I’d probably give him a hard time too. But as soon as I started to fight and he’s moving like Muhammad Ali, I’m faking a pulled hammy. Yea, bowing out of a fight is embarrassing but getting knocked out by Bert the Bumble Bee is ten times worse.

Bully Takes Baseball Bat To The Head

Posted: November 7, 2012 by subwaycreatures in Fights
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Ding! That sound kinda reminds me of opening day in Little League, right? Like when you get your first hit of the season and the butterflies go away and you know it’s gonna be an all star year at third base. Although in this case Ding! means you’re probably gonna do 2-4 years for assault with a deadly weapon unless you can pull off some miraculous self defense angle. The worst part about it is that after Canseco-ing this kid to the head, he dropped the bat and let the dead kid’s friend tee of on him a couple times. As long as you nailed one, you might as well take’em all down. Especially the cameraman who’s got your whole trial on his iPhone.

 

Is carrying a samurai sword even street legal? I don’t know what the laws are for that but I can tell you right now that if this geek pulled a 2 1/2 foot sword on my ass I’m walking away too. You know this kid has been waiting for this day to go down his whole life. This was his wet dream come true and even though he came in his pants, he’s forever known as the Light Rail Katana Kid.

 

Yep, got a nightstick to the dome about 20 times. Clearly what he deserved but that’s not what bothered me. The dude’s chick who was way too over dramatic for the situation was what really pissed me off. Your man just cracked a police officer in the face in front of a huge crowd at Philly’s Oktoberfest, what did you think was going to happen? The only thing I was waiting for was the overhead zoom out shot of her looking into the sky screaming “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!????”

 

Let me be clear, never cool to hit a girl…in most cases. But when you have this hood rat barking in your ear and physically assaulting you, I consider that self defense. The bus driver put it best, she wanna be a man, I’ma treat you like a man! Were there better ways to handle this situation? Of course, but you’re in downtown Cleveland. Cops don’t give a shit.