Fuck this Happy Holidays shit. Merry Christmas to all it applies to!
5. This robotic arcade game thingy. Who wouldn’t want this?
4. Never skied a day in my life. These make me want to start…
3. A waterproof pool table? That you can actually use in a pool? Yes please!
2. Indoor Virtual Golf. I mean why the fuck not? Play a round and not even have to leave my home? Of course I want this!
1. Candice Swanepoel. I really don’t think this is asking for a lot so someone please make it happen.
CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico — Police in this border city repented Thursday over ticketing a 6-year-old boy for reckless driving, driving without a license and not having his vehicle registered after he drove his miniature motorcycle into an SUV. The boy’s mother, Karla Noriega, said police impounded the miniature gasoline-powered motorbike that her son got for Christmas after he crashed into an SUV on Dec. 27. Noriega decided to go to the media and make the case public after finding out she would have to pay what she called a “ridiculous” $183 in fines to recover the toy motorbike. City council Secretary Hector Arceluz said Thursday that authorities had dropped the fines, released the motorbike and would punish the police officers for having acted improperly. Noriega’s son Gael was happy to get his minibike back, but said it no longer works after the accident.
What? You think just cause you’re 6 you don’t have to abide by the rules? I woulda tested this kid for a DUI. Get him to walk a straight line and recite his ABCs without singing them. Oh, you don’t know your ABCs? We’re taking you downtown for a breathalyzer. That’ll teach him. What a great picture that would be. 6 year old in the back of a police car driving to the station with a toy motorcycle hanging out of the trunk. Poor kid is gonna have a rough time as it is growing up since his name is Gael so hopefully this toughens him up.
Hey Rosie O’Donnell, keep your feminist ideals to yourself, you’re ruining it for all the other kids. This is definitely the same girl going around telling all her classmates there’s no Santa Claus. Hey Riley, you’re 7 years old and think you know all the behind the scenes marketing ploys? Why do girls have to buy pink stuff and the boys get to buy the other color stuff? Why do girls have to have babies and boys don’t? Why do I have to learn to cook and clean and boys don’t? Why is the sky blue and the grass green? I don’t know, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles! And guess what sweetie, you can have whatever you want so don’t give me that ‘why can’t I buy super heroes’ shit. There would be nothing but tears on Christmas morning if you opened a present that was an Optimus Prime or G.I. Joe action figure. You know how I know? Because you’re in the ‘pink toy’ section of whatever toy store that is and you’re holding a Scooby Doo doll you hypocrite. I blame the parents for this. It always starts with them.
Company holiday party last night and I feel like absolute asshole, but guess what…got the next week off, Giants this weekend, Christmas around the corner, and New Years next week! Let the party commence! Merry Christmas to everyone and have a safe holiday!