Jennifer Poops At The Parties

subwaycreatures

 

It must be so hard for foreigners to adapt to our figure of speech. Just when you think you’ve nailed the language, someone goes and calls Jennifer a party pooper and poor Sven thinks she’s literally shitting all over the place to entertain everyone. Must be so confusing. I wonder what would happen if you called someone a “jerk off” in front of this guy?

– Thanks for the clip Monty

This Has Got To Be The Greatest Letter I’ve Ever Read!

subwaycreatures

 

I NEED this kid to write for CSC immediately. Just listen to those metaphors and his plan for taking over the world. Unicorns feeding me doughnuts?! Throne made of platinum and gold?! Where the fuck do I sign up?! I’m buying everything Junior is selling here, plus some. Besides, it’s kinda like religion. We all know it’s bullshit but juuuuust in case, let’s believe it’s true.

 

 

Only People Like This Guy Still Play Magic The Gathering, Right?

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Remember Francis? This guy seriously needs his own reality show cause I’d tune in every week.

Now I don’t know the first thing about Magic the Gathering and to be honest I thought people stopped playing it right around when Pogs went out of style but I guess there’s always those people who can’t let go. Now if you were to tell me you had video of 2 dudes playing Magic, this is probably exactly what I would picture them to look like. Francis clearly needs to pump the brakes, lay off the caffeine/sugar, and get back to reality and play a real game called life. The only thing I feel bad for in this video is that poor red chair.

Side note: Did that asshole really call for a judge? Where do these people exist?

So Did You Hear Of The Guy Who Could Chug 3 Beers With No Hands In 29 Secs?

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Has there ever been so much build up to watch a drunk asshole chug 3 beers in his college bedroom? Personally I had him at 31 seconds but I guess that’s up for debate. You know that this is the guy who single handily destroys a house like Chris Farley as Motivational Speaker and is passed out with puke and piss all over himself halfway into every party. Only to wake up towards the end and call out everyone else who is about to call it quits like he’s some kind of marathon drinker. I’ll give credit where credit is due, that was impressive and this guy can drink on my team any day…just not in my house.

Best line that he tried to sneak in…”For those of you who thought I died in the last video, I was just taking a nap, I was high as a kite.”