Author: subwaycreatures

87 Year Old Man Busted For 229 Pounds Of Blow

subwaycreatures

Detroit Free Press:

For attorney Ray Richards, it was a first: an 87-year-old man with muttonchops charged in a major drug bust. “This will be my first actual drug case where the accused is this old,” Richards said of his latest client, Leo Sharp. Sharp of Michigan City, Ind., was in federal court in Detroit on Monday after being arrested during a traffic stop near Ann Arbor. Police said they found 104 kilograms, or 229 pounds, of cocaine in his pickup. That’s at least $2.9 million worth of cocaine in wholesale value, police said. In court, Sharp did not offer a full explanation about what happened. But at one point, he tried telling U.S. Magistrate Judge Mark Randon that he was forced at gunpoint to haul the cocaine, until his lawyer stepped in and advised him to just answer the judge’s questions. Richards said this was Sharp’s first time in the federal court system, and his client likely was confused by the questioning. According to Richards, Sharp, who is married with children, works full-time growing legitimate, exotic plants for a horticulture company in Indiana. According to court records, a state trooper pulled Sharp over on I-94 near Ann Arbor on Friday for following too closely and improper lane use. The trooper asked Sharp for permission to search his vehicle, but Sharp refused. That’s when Apollo, a drug-sniffing dog, was called to the scene and found the cocaine stashed in black bags in the bed of his pickup, records show. Sharp is charged with conspiracy to possess with intent to distribute cocaine. If convicted, he could be sentenced to at least 10 years in prison. “A cocaine seizure that rises to the level of 100 kilograms would be considered significant,” said Rich Isaacson of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. Sharp, who was released on bond, said he wants to write a book about his ordeal. 

 

Can’t wait to hear this guy’s story. I’ve seen a few episodes of ‘Breaking Bad’ and that’s all I could think of while reading this. He’s probably got some huge lab that he’s making all this shit in with naked hookers weighing everything out. Grandpa Ray bumped a few lines out before transfer and before he knows it he’s pulled over for ‘following too closely’. Always seems to be something this dumb you get busted for and now he’s gonna be spending the rest of his short life behind bars writing about it.

Please Don’t Tell Me ‘Batmanning’ Is The New ‘Planking’

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As if planking weren’t bad enough now we have to deal with this shit? I hope every person who does this lives the rest of their lives paralyzed in a wheelchair. Why? Because they deserve it. It’s that simple. Why is everyone so surprised when they fall and land on their head? That’s the only way down once you’ve got yourself in that position. Stupid people really piss me off sometimes, but then again I wouldn’t have a job so keep up the hard work assholes.

MTA Plans To Rid Subway Of Trash Cans To Solve Rat Problem, Wait What?

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amny.com

It seems ironic: to cut down on trash on subway platforms, the MTA is considering trashing garbage cans. The cash-strapped agency may remove all the cans from some platforms if everything goes well with a test-run underway at two stations. The MTA is banking on riders to take their trash with them, or simply bring less of it. If the pilot program — which began two weeks ago at the 8th Street N/R station and Flushing/Main Street No. 7 station — is successful over the next two months, it could roll out to other stations. “It’s just an experiment to see how much we can reduce the amount of refuse that we pick up,” said John Gaito, the MTA’s vice president and chief officer for subways. “We expect people to bring garbage, but we’d like them to bring less food. … Food attracts rodents.” The test is being done in response to the agency’s difficulty picking up the approximately 8,820 garbage bags each day across the system, Gaito said during Monday’s transit committee meeting. Eight trains and six trucks haul away trash each day at an annual cost of approximately $32 million, but refuse trains still miss one-in-three scheduled stops because they’re filled up or running late. The station cleaner at the 8th Street station likes the lack of trash bins, Gaito noted, but the cleaner at Main Street isn’t a fan because he has to personally tidy up after straphangers. “We don’t mind picking up things like newspapers,” Gaito said, adding they account for nearly half of all garbage collected. “We’d prefer papers instead of food.” Transit advocates and straphangers were left scratching their heads when they were told about the experiment.

I was never great at math in school but someone please correct me if I’m wrong. Garbage cans + subway = rat problem. No garbage cans + subway = no rat problem? But where does the garbage go then? Oh, on the tracks and on the actual subway cars themselves. Got it. Here is the line that you gotta love if you are a daily commuter: “The MTA is banking on riders to take their trash with them, or simply bring less of it.” Sometimes I’m just not sure if the people of MTA have ever actually been in the subway. On what planet do you think we live on that NYers will bring less trash into the subway because they are thinking ‘oh there’s no garbage cans down there I probably shouldn’t bring this with me.’ I’d love to see the result of your little experiment on 8th St. when people are being overrun and attacked by rats like those Cloverfield aliens.

And seriously MTA, if you’re so ‘cash strapped’ why the hell are you trying to install internet in the subways right now? Probably at the bottom of the list of things to do right now.

Waffle House Brawl In Alabama

subwaycreatures

 

There was a lot of red in this fight and I don’t know if it was because of the Crimson Tide or gang related so I’ll be careful with what I say. Really wish I had a translator who spoke southern black though cause I didn’t understand one word in this video. I’m gonna start with the little guy who, as always, talks a mean game when standing behind his boys and just gets stomped out. You gotta pick and choose your fights little man and I didn’t see any 6th graders around so this wasn’t your fight.

Chairs, glass, body slams…this fight had it all but I’m just curious about why IHOP’s and Waffle Houses are always the venue for these brawls. Is it worth it to stay open late night for these places when once a month you’re replacing everything in your establishment? Just wondering.

Man Saws Off Parking Meter In Front Of Parking Cop

subwaycreatures

 

We’ve all had one of those days where nothing seems to go right no matter what. This guy hit his breaking point and I love this! He did what every single one of us has always wanted to do when in this situation. Excuse me. Are you giving me a parking ticket? The meter expired? What meter? [cue chainsaw]

And I know Halloween is right around the corner but goddamn! If I were that lady parking cop and that serial killer lookin dude came near me with a chainsaw I would be latched onto the trunk of that cab yellin ‘floor it!’ No way in hell do those parking cops get paid enough to handle these situations. She absolutely shit herself and will think twice next time she gives a bearded man wearing a jump suit a parking ticket.

Halloween Comes Early For City Subway Creatures

subwaycreatures

 

Well..I know what I’m being for Halloween this year. Can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me growing up when I wore glasses and they always seemed to be in the most obvious places. Worst part is that usually you can’t see without your glasses which makes finding them even more fun. Lady, did you check the top of your head? Yes? OK, don’t freak out we’ll get you through this. Wait…I said don’t freak out…

NY Jets Outlook: Week 7

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With a must-win Monday night game, the Jets sloppily got the victory over the winless Miami Dolphins. I’m pretty sure if Derelle Revis wasn’t on the team that game could have gone either way but they walked away with a W none the less. A new week, another opportunity for Rex Ryan to open his mouth and bring as much attention to himself as possible. This time he called out San Diego Chargers by saying that if he were coach he would’ve had two rings by now. Um Rex, you have 0 rings since joining a much better Jets team so I’m not sure you’re winning this argument. Anyway he apologized so all is forgotten right? Jets go into this Sunday’s game +2 at home and if they play like they did last Monday then that spread is heavily favoring the Chargers. I like the over at 43.5 in this game and I don’t know that the Jets D can hold down Ryan Matthews in the back field. I like Chargers -2 and I’m going against the Jets for the second time this year which means they will probably pull off some kind of OT win. Quote me.

405 San Diego Chargers -2  -110 -135
43½ O -110
U -110
406 New York Jets +2  -110 +115
Week 7

Baby Makes Amazing Escape From Crib

subwaycreatures

 

Was this an infant or a midget? That little bastard scaled the crib like Spiderman and almost stuck the landing! I’m gonna go ahead and call them Pinky and the Brain since the other retard has absolutely no idea what’s going on and his twin brother has blueprints to take over the world. Clearly we see who got the smart jeans in the womb. The kid even has the wherewithal to nab the evidence of the camera recording his every move! Who is this kid?!

My brother pulled this kinda shit when he was a baby only he took the destructive route and shook his fuckin crib like a Japanese earthquake. He went on to play football and now he’s a cop so if that tells us anything about this kid’s future, he might grow up to be the next Daniel Ocean.

Side Note: How do you sleep at night if you’re this kid’s parents knowing your son is probably scaling down the side of your house and hot wiring your mini van parked in the driveway?