Security Guard Slaps The Shit Out Of Man

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What a textbook slap. Just look at his form coming from the ground to the head! I wonder how many chicks noses this guy has broken because he had to have been a pimp before this security gig, right? I’ve been cracked in the face a few times with a fist but the noise this slap makes takes the cake. The guy filming was in another zip code and we could hear it like he was right next to them. Really hope whatever this guy stole was worth it though. Imagine explaining that one to your boys? Hey Roger why the hell is your nose on the left side of your face? Oh, uh, got bitch slapped down at the local supermarket but uh, you should see the other guy!

Nope. Not gonna fly my friend…

 

 

Father Accidentally Plays A Porno For Kids Birthday Party

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HuffPost: TREMONTON, Utah – Police aren’t filing charges against a father who briefly played a pornographic video instead of “The Smurfs” at his child’s birthday party. Tremonton Police Chief Dave Nance tells the Standard-Examiner of Ogden ( the man had rented a copy of “The Smurfs” from a Redbox kiosk and loaded the disc into his laptop. But when he turned the projector on for the children, pornographic images flashed on the screen. Authorities got involved when the father complained somebody had tampered with the DVD. Police found nothing wrong, saying the porn was probably on the laptop. Nance says officials aren’t pursuing charges because the incident was apparently an accident. “The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard. Nance says officials aren’t pursuing charges because the incident was apparently an accident. “The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard.

 

Nothing like getting embarrassed at your 7th birthday party by having Dad accidentally pop in a porno! Sitting there so excited to see ‘The Smurfs’ and all the sudden you’re watching In-Diana Jones Part 3. And even though I probably wouldn’t have even known what was going on at that age, there’s always that one kid who’s been down this road, explaining to the rest of the party what they are seeing.

This is just another reason why I can’t have kids. This would absolutely  happen to me and my kid would probably shoot me that same night when I went to sleep.

Someone Please Tell Me Ahmad Bradshaw And Angelina From Jersey Shore Hooking Up Is A Joke

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TMZ: NY Giants star running back Ahmad Bradshaw has apparently developed an extra-special relationship with former “Jersey Shore” star Angelina Pivarnick … TMZ has learned … but the Staten Island Dump insists they’re NOT officially dating. Angelina was at Saddle Ranch in L.A. yesterday … when we asked point blank if they were together … and we were met with an uncomfortable silence … followed by, “I’m not dating him … like, no.” Pivarnick explained, “We’ve hung out together … we’re really close, he’s a cool dude.” “I think he’s a hot black … I’m not gonna deny that. I would be lying if I told you he wasn’t hot.” Angelina recently posted a photo of the two lookin’ all cozy at a NY club a few weeks ago — they look platonic to you?

 

Ahmad Bradshaw, you just won the Super Bowl…what are you going to do next??? Angelina Pivarnick! Dude, is this fucking real? Out of all people why the hell did it have to be her? You should be out crushing Kate Upton and Kim Kardashian like Mark Sanchez, not has-been reality whores who are completely irrelevant in today’s society! You need to totally redeem yourself by banging some super model ASAP! Make this go away now!

 

Student Arrested For Farting In Library And Calling It A ‘Bomb’

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HuffPost:

Harold Wayne Hadley, Jr., 19, was arrested at a Mississippi junior college after he allegedly wrote a note on a piece of toilet paper on Tuesday, containing the word ‘bomb,’ according to Weirdnews.net. The note prompted 11 emergency agencies to respond to the school, but there was no bomb. Hadley and his family contend that he was only explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. “He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper … we are from the country, and he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s aunt, who wouldn’t give her name to WDAM. “[He] put ‘I passed a bomb in the library,’ talking about passing gas, and somebody came in and found it, gave it to a teacher that recognized his hand writing and it blew all out of proportion.” Investigators wouldn’t say exactly what Hadley wrote, but WDAM reports that it was no more explicit than “I passed a bomb in the library.” Hadley was arrested and held on $20,000 bail. If convicted of threatening to blow up the school, he faces 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine, according to WAPT. His aunt says he earned straight A’s at Jones County Junior College and was scheduled to graduate in May.

 

Hey Harry, don’t worry man. There’s nothing funnier than a good fart joke, just use better terminology next time. Ever since 9/11 people have been a little uptight about the word ‘bomb’. No joke, I’m playing with a fart machine at work as we speak. Here’s a couple for you to use next time: cut the cheese, ripped ass, butt burp, petarded, farted, ass acoustics, backdraft, tear ass. Oh yea, ‘sharted’ too but you have bigger problems if you’re using that one. I’ve heard of farts being called bombs before and if this was anything like those, it must have been pretty bad. If Harold Wayne Hadley gets 10 years for farting in the library and writing about it, I’ve lost all faith in our justice system. The only injustice here is that no one is laughing about this except for me.

Side note: He was explaining the joy of flatulating in the library. By far my favorite line of this story.

Rescued Dog Bites News Anchor In Face

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A dog rescued from an icy pond in the US may be put down after it bit a news anchor during a live television interview. Kyle Dyer was rushed to hospital after being bitten by Max, an Argentine Mastiff, on a Colorado’s 9NEWS morning program on Wednesday morning. Max was on the show after being pulled from a freezing reservoir by a firefighter on Tuesday after it fell through the ice while chasing a coyote. Dyer suffering bite wounds to her face and is in a “fair condition” at Denver Health Medical Centre. “I just adore dogs, but I’m especially happy to meet you after your story yesterday,” Dyer said to the mastiff as she patted him during the interview. “You’re gorgeous.” As the interview ended Dyer leaned in towards Max in a show of affection but the dog bared its teeth and snapped at the news anchor before owner Michael Robinson was able to restrain it.  Max’s owner will be cited for leash law violations, not having control of the dog and not vaccinating it for rabies. The animal is not showing signs of rabies but may be put down anyway.

 

This is the side of those obnoxious ASPCA commercials they don’t show you. You try to pet the dog and it decides to bite your face off. Shoulda left it in the frozen water cause now it’s right to the gas chamber right after the show. Love the reactions from everyone in the studio though. Trying to stay professional while this chicks lip hangs off her face like she had a stroke. Since the firefighters don’t budge from their seats, let’s kick it over to Gary for weather!

“OK…alright…OK.” Nice save Gary! Next time try not to react like you just walked in on your parents having sex.