Tag: drunk

Ever Have One Of These Nights?

subwaycreatures

 

Look, we’ve all been there, some more recently than others. Drunk to the point where you’re trying to figure out where you are, you don’t know who the people around you are, your ass is out for everyone to see, and just when you’re laying down to what you think is your bed, you get bucked onto the ground with flash bulbs going off around you. All the cowboys in this place musta heard “cha-ching” as soon as this chick hit the floor.

Side note: Props to the guy with the upskirt shot. I’m kinda scared to know what that pic looks like after seeing this face.

Our Move of the Day Ends Crazy Drunk Man’s Fight

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Ahhh the adventures of the A-train continue. Here is a perfect example of the difference between me and those who were born and raised in NYC. I see a crazy drunk guy with googly eyes licking blood of his arm and holding up a train of angry ghetto passengers, I step off and take my chances walking home from whatever stop I’m at. Don’t get me wrong, I will always stand up for myself when the time calls, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. These dudes act like they deal with this on a daily basis. The older guy actually takes on this asshole and knocks him down TWICE! That’s probably the point where I would jump in. It’s like blood in the water for me. I see this guy has a weakness and I jump in when it’s safe.

 

How frustrated would you be if this guy finally gets knocked down and the MTA guy keeps the door open? Even I was watching this going “close the door! Close the door!” But here is where the move of the day comes in. Like a scene from a Steven Seagal movie, one of the passengers grabs both handrails and gives a flying chest kick which Crazy Eyes Jamal wasn’t even expecting! Perfect execution to a perfect move in a crazy situation. Doors close, boom it’s a wrap! Like a gorilla at the zoo, he’s on the wrong side of the glass wondering how he got there. Chronicles of the A-train indeed!

Asshole Gives Play-By-Play While Drunk Bleeds On Tracks

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So here’s the story. This guy was wasted in the subway and began pissing off the platform when he lost his balance and landed head first on the rail. Drunk and semi unconscious, these 3 bystanders did NOTHING to help him. I’ll say right off the bat, not for the faint of heart. Now a survey came out not too long ago saying that New Yorkers were the most likely to take action if they saw something happen or had to save someone. So much for that. This asshole just stands there and watches as his girlfriend cries and this very, very, very, very intoxicated guy bleeds all over the subway. The dick, however, DID have the decency to give play-by-play and film at the same time. “Yo, you alright man?” Does he look alright?! He’s a pillow away from a good night’s sleep. Bleeding from the ears and barely moving and you’re going to ask him if he’s alright? “Yo, real time. This is how niggas do. 13 minutes til the next L train comes.” Oh great! So now we have a countdown going until this video turns into a “Faces of Death.”

I’m not going to analyze all 3 of these videos because I apparently have earthquakes to deal with in NY, but I hope Roofio here understands that karma is a bitch and when he falls onto the tracks and reaches up for help, I’ll be standing there with my middle finger out. When this kid sobers up in a week, he better name his first child after that MTA employee. He is the REAL hero and had to take care of the situation on his own thanks to these clown dicks. If those assholes even TRY to take credit for being heroes, I might have to track them down.

 

On a side-note, what is the policy on Asians using “nigga”? Has it now come down to Whites being the only ones who can’t say that?

Lady Luck

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Let’s make one thing clear right off the bat, this is not a sudden earthquake in the subway. No, this chick is as fucked up as Courtney Love and she picked the worst timing possible to try out that new dance move everyone has been telling her about. Oh! Trying to sneak a nice little ciggie in before your train ride, huh? Your body is at the point of the night where it says “fuck you! I’m done!” (Trust me, I’ve been there) Playing dead is not the way I would personally deal with this situation as a train is bearing down on you but hey, what do I know? She honestly doesn’t move like she’s in Jurassic Park and the train is a T-Rex. And who saw that ending coming?! The train stops right above her lifeless body and everyone is OK? I think not. What about all the people in that front car of the train who are probably piled on top of each other right now because of how fast that train went from 60-0 MPH?

The injustice here is that we don’t get the audio of what that conductor says when she opens the front door of the train to find this bitch passed out. “The fuck is this bitch doing under ma goddamn train?! I’ll tell you what sugar, by the time I’m done with you, you gon’ wish this train ran ya ass ova!” God I love impressions but I seriously hope drunkie went straight to the store and bought a Powerball ticket. Either way she’s gonna die because they didn’t make 5 Final Destinations for nothing.